Article written by Maya Vukovska

Immediately after a breakup, the sense of loss, disappointment, and anger can be overwhelming. You ask yourself the question, How to make the pain go away? Some people are convinced that the best healing practice after a hard breakup is to immediately find someone else to date. The classic rebound follows the urge to find a substitute of a former lover. If you can’t wait for a couple of months to pass before start dating again and you’re already “window-shopping” for a new boyfriend, here are some of the things you should keep in mind before choosing a new partner with whom to jump into a rebound relationship.

How soon is too soon?

Experience has shown that relationships that have started within three months after a breakup usually end up quickly. However, there hasn’t been official statistics, so this cannot be taken as a general truth. Rebound relationships often happen because one of the partners is still recovering from the breakup and/or wants to get back on their ex for having hurt them. The reason why rebound relationships don’t last is quite simple: unresolved feelings for the ex.

Go for the exact opposite type of your ex

Now, that we’ve already agreed that rebound relationships are mainly about making the ex jealous, you should start looking for someone who is nothing like your ex. Of course, it’s quite uncommon for one to be drawn to a guy who doesn’t fit one's stereotypical partner's profile, but it is NOT uncommon, either. So, if you really want to piss your ex, then you should do it in a spectacular way by showing him you are not exclusively into, say, 30-something, brown-haired intellectuals, who love pottery, hiking, vegan food, and Yorkshire Terriers. Visualize your next partner: He is 20-something, Swedish blonde or R&B black, ideally a high-school drop-out, who regularly attends Monster Jam events and enjoys fast food and an occasional butt fuck with strangers in public restrooms.

Yes, we realize that this will make you look very immature, but that’s also the best way to make your ex eat his heart out.

Go casual

You feel that the fault for why you two brоkе it up is mainly yours, because you just enjoy dating casually, and your partner was not quite OK with this type of attitude. The way you treated him and your relationship made him feel that he was taken for granted. If that’s the case, then you shouldn’t look for a rebound switch with the idea that you are going to grow old together. Obviously, you haven’t reached that phase in your life when you’d like to commit to one person only. You’re just having a Sidney Lauper moment - dating around and having fun. Pick your next partner in the spur of a moment and don’t give much thought to what will happen in a year. Or in two weeks.

The backup version

The serial re-bounders choose for a partner someone they’ve already cheated with on their ex, or with someone they’ve fancied for some time. In this case scenario, your potential rebound partner is usually a guy you’ve already lined up, but you won’t allow yourself to go out with while you were still in an exclusive relationship with some other guy. Now, that you’re out of this relationship, you may spread your wings and fly in whatever direction you choose.

The toxic rebound

This one is the most treacherous of all the types of rebound relationships. It's a paradoxical situation, indeed: you've been trying so hard to escape the nightmare of a previous toxic relationship, that eventually, you end up dating the very same type of person as your ex-partner. You may not be able to realize it at first, but sooner or later, you’ll start seeing your ex in everything the rebound’s doing and saying. That will bring back the same old anxieties, worries and habits that made your previous relationship a living hell.

Your ex is the best

There’s a slight chance that your rebound relationship is with your ex - the guy you’ve been desperately trying to either forget forever or bring back into your life again. If one day he shows up at your doorstep playing a good Samaritan, warning you that your rebound lover is not good for you, then you can be sure you've won this battle. The ball is now in your court and it’s up to you how the game will continue. With or without the ex.

December 09, 2020 — Andrew Christian