Fuck Me, Don't Finger Me

Okay, gather 'round, boys. It’s time for a little public service announcement on behalf of all bottoms (and some versatile queens too). Can we just all agree that fingers don’t belong in butts? There, I said it! Your hands are cute and all, but they are not made for what you think they are.

Fingers Are Boney, Honey!

Let’s start with the obvious: fingers are all bone, no cushion. Like, seriously, it’s like you’re trying to insert a twig. When we’re talking about that tender backdoor, we want something that feels, well, more natural. Penises, unlike your hard-knuckled digits, are built to bring that soft, squishy, delicious pressure we crave. Sorry, babe, but those boney fingers are not on the guest list to the pleasure party. 🚫👈

They’re Hard in ALL the Wrong Ways

Now, don’t get me wrong. We LOVE a hard object back there, but not that kind of hard. There’s a world of difference between the firmness of a penis and the unyielding rigidity of a finger. A good penis has just the right amount of give – it’s warm, it’s soft where it needs to be, and it’s naturally designed to work with your body. Fingers, on the other hand, feel like you’re getting invaded by a literal stick. It’s like, “What is this? An interrogation technique?” 🧐🍑

Dirty Fingernails Are a BIG No-No

Um, we’ve all seen the nails on some of y’all. You might think you’re all sexy with your freshly manicured hands, but unless you’ve sanitized those suckers to NASA standards, I’m not interested in what bacteria you’re trying to introduce to my delicate regions. We are NOT trying to get a full-on biology experiment back there! There’s just something about knowing your fingernails have been tapping away on your phone all day (or, god forbid, scratching your ass). Nope. Hard pass. 🚫💅

Penises Are Built for the Job

Penises, my darlings, are simply perfectly designed for backdoor fun. Think about it – they're smooth, they’ve got just the right amount of firmness, and they’re literally tailored for the job. There’s a reason it feels so natural and amazing when the right dick slides in. It’s not too hard, not too soft—it’s juuust right. And let’s be real, penises also come with that added benefit of being attached to a sexy, living, breathing man, which is always a plus. 😏🍆

Fingers Are Awkward AF

Here’s a scene we’ve all experienced: you're feeling the moment, things are getting steamy, and then bam—in go the fingers. And suddenly, the mood is just... weird. It’s awkward! There’s no graceful way to insert fingers back there, babe. Half the time, it feels like a clumsy attempt to unlock a door that doesn't even want to open. Meanwhile, a penis? Smooth entry. Seamless. Confident. We like confidence in our partners, not someone fumbling with finger placement like it’s their first time in biology class. 🙄

No One’s Ever Said "Oh Yeah, Finger Me"

I mean, when’s the last time you heard someone scream out in ecstasy, "Oh, baby, finger me harder"? Exactly. No one says that. EVER. A finger in the heat of the moment can be like a commercial break in your favorite show – unwanted and frustrating. You know what people DO want? A thick, warm, throbbing cock. Now that’s something worth screaming for. 💥🔥

Show a Little Respect for the Booty!

Listen, this hole is precious. It deserves to be treated with love and respect, okay? We bottoms (and vers kings and queens) want pleasure, not poking. There’s an art to giving good anal, and we expect nothing but the best. Respect the booty by offering it the thing it craves: a delicious, natural penis. The finger can assist in foreplay, sure, but as the main event? Sorry babe, it’s just not happening. 💁‍♂️🍑

So, What Have We Learned Today?

In conclusion, it’s simple: leave the finger gymnastics for other occasions. When it comes to backdoor play, we’ll take a well-sized penis every single time. Smooth, firm, and natural – now that’s what feels right! So, unless your guy is specifically asking for a finger (and girl, I doubt he is), just remember: fingers may be cute for hand-holding, but they are NOT what this booty is calling for. 🍑💋

Now go forth, and let’s keep things soft, smooth, and sexy. And if you’re lucky enough to be invited into someone’s backdoor playground, bring your A-game – and not your index finger. Trust me, we’ll all be happier for it. 💅💖