Article by Maya Vukovska
Nowadays, labelling people is considered a sickening anachronism. Yet, we still can’t shake off most of the stereotypes because we all are still pretty much stuck “in the Matrix.” Girls should play with dolls, boys shouldn’t wear dresses, blondes are superficial, Danes are happy, Greeks are lazy… Оh yes, and tall gay guys make lousy bottoms. Although there’s no limitation to who can be a top and a bottom, the stereotype that tops must be tall, masculine, and controlling lives on. And the fate of the guys at the receiving end is, too, more or less predetermined: they are short, effeminate, and, of course, submissive.
I did some digging into the subject matter, and what I discovered dumbfounded me. It comes out that this particular stereotype is actually scientifically grounded.
In 2014, PloS One published a study by researchers from Charles University in Prague, according to which human stature influences sex preferences and mate choices not only in heterosexuals but also in homosexuals. The Czech scientists made an online survey of a large number of gay and bisexual men and found that shorter men preferred taller partners. Another, not-so-surprising finding was that men who take on the dominant role prefer shorter partners. So, their conclusion was that preferences for height in gay men are set by their own height, and preferred sex role, and do not simply copy those of heterosexuals.
Where does it take us? Does it mean that heightism is a real thing?
Unfortunately, yes.
When size certainly matters
Let’s be honest here - many people, men, women, straight, bi, and gay, often hide their height on dating apps and only say it when asked. And when it happens here comes the grinding halt. “Wait, what? You’re 5’6?! That’s… sorry, but that’s short for a man, man!”
It’s for a fact that many vers/tops who are under the average height for American men of 5’9'' prefer not to disclose their height, especially if they are looking for a bottoming partner. Why? Simple. Because they get blocked or ghosted after revealing their height to a potential partner who’s much taller.
From evolutionary biology’s point of view, it’s normal for women to look for taller male partners because tallness is subconsciously associated with power and potency. The thing is that these patriarchal norms around height have been transferred to the queer community, too. In much the same way that tops and bottoms reflect the prejudiced tropes of men and women, short and tall in same-sex relationships often situates the taller partner as the dominant one.
Chopping down tall trees
Shorter gays are not looking for 6’7’ tall guys with the sole purpose to have someone access the top shelves in the supermarkets for them. Tall people in general are perceived as “providers”, the “big spoons” in bed, while people of short stature are seen as the ones who need protection and care. Because of their “cuteness”, “pocket” guys are often treated like sexless stuffed animals - but nobody likes that, really. As a matter of fact, many short guys enjoy being domineering in bed and when they take the matter into their own hands, the result is… Wow, tall bottoms are the best!”
Technically speaking, height doesn’t make much of a difference when it comes to fucking. Of course, some positions are more challenging, especially if the height difference is considerable. But doggy style with the bottom on his all fours is always a good choice (unless the bottom’s femurs are too long - then it can be problematic). And if the bottom is on his back, a large pillow under his butt will do the trick - it makes it easier for the shorter top to access the “target”.
Yes, being tall is great - especially in a crowded bar where you can rest your beer on your short boyfriend’s head. But putting emphasis on measuring men only feeds into toxic masculinity. After all, in the dark all cats are grey, and under the sheets, all people are equal.
