In today’s global society, different cultures can exchange goods, services and ideas better than ever before. And, of course, a consequence of that is that it’s never been easier to hook up with hot guys from other countries. Whether you reside in a modern global city or just live the jet-setting Millennial lifestyle, odds are one of these days you’ll end up in bed with someone not fluent in your mother tongue. Sp here’s what you need to know to make sure your hookup doesn’t get lost in translation. If you meet an exciting foreign man on a beach in Ibiza and neither of you speak a lick of the other’s language, fear not! Your romance is not doomed. Love (read: a hookup) always finds a way to prevail over language barriers. And this is, of course, because love itself is a universal language. A touch, a caress, full-handed ass slap, a cock-slap to the face--these acts of physical expression mean (more or less) the same thing in all nations and cultures. And I, for one, think that's beautiful.
I know what you’re thinking: “Well, sure, I can have absolutely silent, conversation-free sex with the last known speaker of the Nyawaygi dialect, but what about a little pillow talk afterwards? Doesn't technology have an answer?” Lucky for you, as a matter of fact, it does! In the old days, hookups between incommunicable speakers used to always involve a third party translator, who would also usually function as a switch in bed. But nowadays, thanks to a little thing called Google Translator, you can enjoy full, vivid conversations without even knowing a word of his language! For real though, there is no shame in going on dates with a phone sitting between you. Also, protip: if you’re doing most of the talking over chat, then emojis are your best friend. The subtle nuances of what you’re trying to say often get lost if you’re just copy-pasting from a translator app. Use some smiley faces to ensure that the message gets received in tact. You can conjugate one verb wrong and next thing you know you’re the groom at a big Greek wedding. Travel is good for the mind. It expands your consciousness and instills in you empathy for all of humanity. And, fucking guys in foreign countries is fun as hell. So for your own good, hook up with a guy who doesn’t speak your language, and you’ll find out just how much you really have to say to each other.
August 15, 2019 — Andrew Christian