Let’s be honest: the 4th of July is less about history and more about shirtless men holding Solo cups, trying to light fireworks with a questionable lighter, while Born This Way blasts in the background. And honestly? We wouldn’t have it any other way.

Whether you’re heading to a pool party, beach bonfire, or just getting railed before the fireworks start, here’s your very gay guide to making the most of America’s thirtiest holiday. Yes, there will be meat. Yes, there will be boys. Yes, you should absolutely pack that extra jock.

1. Start With the Fit (Or Lack Thereof)

This weekend is about skin. Show it. Embrace the mesh, the crop tops, the boy bikinis with patriotic prints that hug all the right places. Tan lines? Optional. Eye contact with the guy grilling shirtless? Mandatory.

Need inspo? Think red, white, and tight — and if it clings, glistens, or leaves little to the imagination, it’s exactly what the Founding Fathers would’ve wanted.

2. Flirt While You Grill

Yes, you can be a thirst trap and know how to use tongs. Nothing says “husband material” like flipping a burger while shirtless and sipping tequila. Offer the cute guy at the party a hot dog. Hold it just long enough to be suggestive. Smile like you’re innocent. You’re not.

3. Stay Hydrated… Before You Get Dehydrated

The sun is blazing. The drinks are flowing. You’re three White Claws in and someone just dared you to strip down for pool volleyball. Drink water. Lube doesn’t fix heatstroke.

4. Location, Location, Location

Pool party? Show up late, look hot, pretend you’re shy for two minutes, then cannonball into the deep end like the chaos demon you are.

Beach hang? Bring a towel big enough for two. Offer sunscreen to someone cute. Bonus points if you apply it slowly while maintaining eye contact.

Backyard cookout? Lean against a fence, sip something red, and let the jockstrap waistband peek out just enough when you stretch. Someone will notice.

5. Fireworks Aren’t Just in the Sky

Let’s not pretend everyone’s going home alone. If the vibes are vibing, get his number, invite him for an “afterparty,” or make out under the fireworks like a cheesy gay romcom with better lighting.

And if you do end up in someone else’s bed: be respectful, be safe, and maybe don’t wear your nicest jock if you suspect it’s going to vanish into the sheets forever.

6. Celebrate Freedom… and That Booty

Being gay and proud is its own kind of protest. So flirt harder. Dance dirtier. Show off your body and love the hell out of it. Whether you’re single, cuffed, or situationshipped, this weekend is your chance to say “I’m hot and I know it.”

Plus, jockstraps were basically invented for national holidays. Don’t fact-check that.

Bottom line?

This weekend is about more than fireworks and flags. It’s about freedom, fun, and maybe letting a stranger hold your hot dog while you change into something sluttier.

So pack your sexiest swimwear, RSVP to everything, and get ready to celebrate the true American dream: looking hot, getting laid, and maybe — just maybe — finding a new summer fling by Monday.

Need the perfect party look?

Shop our flag-inspired jocks, mesh tanks, and swim briefs made for poolside posing, backseat makeouts, and getting your buns sun-kissed in style. Let freedom ring (and ride).