Article by Maya Vukovska
Every time someone says they want to get a nose job, or bigger tits, or their belly flat as a pancake for the sole reason to to feel good about themselves, I believe them. But I also kind of don’t believe them, because, let’s be honest--all those “offerings” that we put on the sacrificial altar of beauty-at-all-cost are, in fact, in the name of love. Alas, many of us often confuse love and attraction with appreciation and acceptance of one’s appearance. And when we lack the physical qualities we think others would look for in us, we’d withdraw from the love scene with the tail between our legs. Misjudging the situation and underestimating people by reducing them to walking sex dolls with no brains is never a good idea when it comes to finding love.
An impressive six-pack and spectacular biceps may indeed guarantee you salacious gazes at the gym but if you don’t have other qualities or some clever tricks up your sleeve, you can forget about winning the attention of your crush. And likewise, you can still be hot with dad-bod if you're a good person with a fun personality!
The laws of attraction
We don’t need scientific data to confirm that heterosexual women and gay men are indeed attracted to muscular guys, but yes, studies have shown that guys with gym bodies have twice as many partners as average Joes. However, as I hinted above, being attractive is never only about looks. If you want to make people want you, no matter if you’re talking about colleagues, friends, or strangers, you need to get yourself acquainted with the essential laws of attraction and learn to apply them in real-life situations. So, the first lesson is as simple as it can get: Attraction is mostly about availability.
How to show that you’re available? Well, of course, you don’t just jump someone’s bones during a Christmas party. You show people you want to connect with a simple talk - not a cheesy and banal one, and definitely not straightforwardly sexual.
Body language and open-mindedness are best buddies
Believe it or not, open body language is more attractive than any trim, shiny naked body on the beach. You show you’re open and available by keeping your torso and abdomen… open, which means no crossing arms, no holding your bag in front of your chest.
Eye gazing is another powerful and very intimate weapon for winning someone’s interest. I am not suggesting that you block a person’s passing in the middle of the street and start a staring contest with them. You need to capture the right moment to stare deeply and intensely into that person’s eyes. If they stare back at you, you can bet that oxytocin, the love hormone, is already hitting them hard.
Listen!
You must agree that nobody likes a person who never shuts up. For all I know, just like openness, mysteriousness too can be a mighty tool for attraction. Do not hide, but do not be too verbose, either. We all want someone who listens. The psychology behind this is simple: Imagine it like a movie. If you tell a person who hasn’t seen it yet how it ends, you are ruining it for them because they already know what to expect, and they will be bored as hell. Leave your crush guessing, and count on the beautiful pleasure of uncertainty. If they are interested to know what happens next, they’ll keep “watching”. But if the “movie” doesn’t turn out to be what they hoped it would be, there is nothing you can do about it. You can keep someone attracted just by being a decent person in the first place.
Be sincere
Even if you have the coolest body in a room full of bodies, but you act like the high-school girl who tries to be popular but deep down, she is insecure and unconfident, it won’t get you anywhere. In order to catch the eye of your love interest you need to align your body language with your facial expression. Let me illustrate what I mean. If you go up to the boy you like and you give him an eyebrow flash and force a jaded smile on your face but at the same time, you’re sweating as hell and your feet are pointing towards the exit, you are being incongruent. And most likely, the guy will instantly sniff out that you are deathly afraid of talking to him.
Faking confidence is not sexy. It is much, much better if you are honest about your nervousness - because what is even sexier than a perfect six-pack is being genuine, being yourself.
