The righteous tornado of cancel culture has destroyed much of the rotting infrastructure of heteronormative patriarchy. Yasss!! But, as we now sift through the rubble of this tumultuous period in American culture, there is one causality that may be worth resuscitating. I am, of course, talking about manspreading. Manspreading is a portmanteau that describes the seated position men take in which they confidently and masculinely spread their legs. The posture is often exaggerated, and the goal seems to be to take up as much space as possible. It's the polar opposite of the dainty, feminine leg cross. Manspreaders can't help but draw attention, and yes, another effect is that the bulge becomes profoundly emphasized. Manspreading got cancelled because it seems to represent the worst of "toxic masculinity." This dude really thinks he deserves three seats on the metro just because he has massive thighs? Manspreaders are perceived as being rude, selfish and overbearing. But, let's examine the other side other coin. Certainly, in certain contexts manspreading is absolutely a social faux-pas. In crowded public areas, subways, restaurants, etc. dudes need to just chill with going spread eagle. But manspreading in a vacuum or when seating is in abundance is a totally innocuous act. It's a victimless crime when the posture doesn't intrude on the space of others. In fact, it's hot AF. Guys who just naturally gravitate toward a manspreading sitting position are undeniably sexy. It's a sign of masculinity, dominance, and usually means there's something massive between his legs that needs room to breath. And when hunky dudes spread and let everything show, I mean... who doesn't enjoy the sight? A hot guy manspreading is enough to make my mouth water. There's a time a place for everything. I like watching men masturbate, but if it's on the subway, then that's a completely different story. Manspreading itself is a beautiful mannerism and that makes us instantly horny. But if you're intentionally manspreading to be an asshole, well, that's just a bad look hun. Stay spread, men!
April 19, 2021 — Andrew Christian
Tags: AC Hot Takes