“Looking Now”? How To Tell If a Guy Is Wasting Your Time on These Dating Apps

Article written by Rahmel Reid

There’s nothing new under the sun. Especially when it comes to gay dating apps. The app may be new, but the games are the same. Sure, there are users that are actually looking for a long term relationship or short term fun. But let’s be honest, most people engage in conversation with absolutely no intention of ever really wanting to meet up. And if we want to get really specific, those conversations that are centered around instant gratification or “no strings attached” fun - can be an even dirtier game to engage in. So how do you know if your time is being wasted? How can you tell if someone is really “Looking Now”?

For starters, always go with your gut feeling. 9 times out of 10, if something seems too good to be true - it is! Don’t let your desire to “get off” cloud your judgment and allow someone to get over on you. But let's take a more detailed observation of some of the games these app users will play in an attempt to waste your time.

Catfishing

Fake pics have become so prevalent on dating apps. A simple screenshot of a pic from a Twitter profile can easily be used to try and trick you into believing it’s their actual photo. Ask for a full body pic (with their face included) and/or ask for multiple images. Never meet up off of just one face and/or nude pic. They don’t have to send their entire photo album but they should have enough pics to prove their identity. And yes, you can also get “dick-fished”. Make sure the dick is the same in every image. Compare those veins and the circumcision line. Does it curve to the same direction in all of the images? If they are already complaining about sending more than one pic for confirmation purposes - know that your time is being wasted.

Response Time

I get it, everyone isn’t glued to their phone. Some may be at work or in the middle of another conversation- but if they engaged in a conversation with you and they stated at the beginning that they are absolutely “looking for now”… then we should both have the same purpose and intention for this conversation. The chat is flowing, he sends his pics and you send yours. You both figure out who’s hosting and where you’re located. There is a respectable amount of time in which you both are responding to one another. So now it’s all said and done and you both have agreed to meet up, one of you send the address and ask for an ETA. And here’s when that response time starts to change. That’s usually not a good sign. If the other person starts to leave you on “read” for longer periods of time and their responses become less and less enthused - know that your time is being wasted.

The Pic Collector

Now you should absolutely ask for 2 to 4 pictures to confirm the other person's identity. Honestly, after 4 images are exchanged and you still have doubts - just FaceTime to verify. But that person that constantly asks for “more pics”, they have no interest in meeting. If you’ve already crossed all your “T’s” and dotted all of your “I’s” and have agreed to meet up and they’re STILL asking for more pics - know that your time is being wasted.
Time/Distance - Unfortunately, you have to play detective these days. You don’t want to come across obsessive or tightly wound up but you also don’t want to play foolish. If a decent amount of time has elapsed and their distance hasn’t changed at all, you might want to block them.

If they say their ETA is 30 minutes but 45 mins have passed and they haven’t even sent a courtesy text saying that they're running late, just block them. These are major red flags - know that your time is being wasted.

What are you bringing to the table?

Sometimes things are spontaneous and that may leave someone not as prepared. They may be on their lunch break or passing through a different neighborhood and they found someone that is looking and can host. But, someone shouldn’t be asking you for X, Y and Z when they have absolutely nothing to offer themselves. Some people want to smoke your supply (420) and want to know if you have liquor. Do you have lube? Poppers? And can you put on some porn? Sweety, this is not someone’s hotel room at The Saguaro Palm Springs during White Party. If they insist on wanting or needing the aforementioned, they’re showing up for the wrong reasons and probably don’t care to really satisfy anyone but themselves - know that your time is being wasted.

Laundry List of Rules

Those “picky” profiles with 101 rules and expectations listed. There is no need to even go into detail on this one, it’s pretty straight forward. They are high maintenance and a headache - know that your time is being wasted.

There are obviously a lot of different experiences that are had on a daily basis on gay dating apps. So I’m sure that there are a lot more ways to detect if your time is truly being wasted. But don’t ignore those blatant signs, nor that gut feeling. Some people are so miserable that this is the only way they can “get off” - by intentionally wasting someone else’s time (which is just cruel). But try not to take it personal, on to the next one. Gay karma will take care of them.