Straight men... we can't live with them and can't live without them. Am I right fellas? These tantalizingly masc yet prohibitively heterosexual boys will never cease to break the hearts of naïve young gay men everywhere. If you're still chasing straight boys, then oof... I wish ya the best, bud. Eventually though, even the most hopeless straight-chaser will come to realize that non-homos are best treated like animals at the zoo, so step back and appreciate their majesty from afar, but don't try to fuck them!

1. Messy Hair

There seems to be a particular type of messy hair that only straight men are capable of achieving. It's the perfect "I woke up like this" look, except they actually did wake up like that and didn't bother fixing their appearance... because who cares?! All I see if confidence, baby!

2. Driving Skills

Straight guys love cars. That's their favorite thing to ride, whereas us gay guys usually prefer dicks. But when a hunky straight guy reaches his arm behind the passenger seat and confidently reverses into a parking spot... oh my.... Tops, take notes!

3. Extra Polite

We all know that type of straight guy with either southern, mormon, or an otherwise charm! These guys are the types that call everyone "sir" or "ma'am" and you desperately want to introduce them to your family. Gay guys can be just as polite on the surface, but we all know the tea is being spilled as you soon as you leave the room!

4. No-nonsense Fashion

When straight guys just wear a t-shirt and blue jeans with sneakers every single day... that's hot!! Love that for them! Leave the fashion for us, literally! It makes your more charming!

5. No competition

Straights guys are great because we're not competing with each other like gay guys do. There's a strange comfort that comes from knowing they're off limits and not gonna try to steal your man.

6. When they play with animals

Big, masc, hunky, fatherly straight guys playing with tiny baby animals is the perfect recipe to melt any gay man's heart. Just don't do it too many times, straight men, or we might fall in love!

7. They treat you like one of the bros

Lastly, we love when straight guys treat a gay man like he's just one of the bros. The incompatible sexual attractions need not ruin an afternoon of crackin' open cold ones with the boys... When we're all just bros, we can temporarily forget about the fact that I'm hopelessly in love with you!
August 31, 2021 — Andrew Christian
Tags: Listicles