Spoiler: If you’re not being a little bit of a menace, are you even summering?

Let’s be honest—one of the best parts of summer isn’t just the sun, the water, or the fruity cocktails with names you pretend to understand. It’s the feeling of strutting through a public space in swimwear that dares someone to look.

And trust us—they’re looking.

But not all settings are created equal. Some places practically demand you serve body-ody-ody. Others? A little sneakier. Here it is: your definitive, extremely scientific, and 100% biased ranking of the best public places to get checked out in swimwear.

1. The Hotel Pool

Flirt Factor: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

It’s a catwalk. It’s a social mixer. It’s a low-key audition for “poolside situationship of the weekend.” Everyone’s half-naked, hydrated, and pretending to read a book while scanning for abs. Walk slowly. Flex subtly. Let the sunlight catch that jockstrap waistband peeking out of your towel. You’re on.

2. The Gay Beach (You Know the One)

Flirt Factor: 🔥🔥🔥🔥

You didn’t just stumble into the gay section. You manifested it. This is your moment to wear the skimpiest swim brief you own, apply SPF with erotic precision, and absolutely pretend you’re not posing while “adjusting your towel.” Eye contact here is its own language.

3. The Rooftop Pool Bar

Flirt Factor: 🔥🔥🔥

Somewhere between cocktails and cannonballs, you’re definitely getting noticed. Especially if you show up in a boy bikini, sunglasses, and a casual smirk that says, “I might be trouble.” Bonus: you’re now part of the skyline.

4. The Cruise Ship Deck

Flirt Factor: 🔥🔥🔥

You’re trapped at sea with hundreds of hot strangers. Everyone is tan, thirsty, and looking for someone to share a towel or a twin bed with. Show up, show skin, and maybe lean a little harder on that railing for dramatic effect.

5. The “Scenic Walk” to the Pool Bathroom

Flirt Factor: 🔥🔥

It’s 30 seconds of uninterrupted attention as you strut past strangers, dripping wet, pretending you absolutely needed to pee. You’re giving wet dream energy in motion. Make eye contact with at least one person. You’re welcome.

6. The Beach Volleyball Court

Flirt Factor: 🔥🔥

You’re bouncing. You’re diving. You’re accidentally showing full cheek. Athletic thirst is powerful. Even if you can’t play for your life, you can look like you belong in a training montage.

7. The Gas Station on the Way to the Beach

Flirt Factor: 🔥

You stopped for snacks in a tank and swim shorts so short they’re basically a suggestion. You caught the cashier checking you out. Your ex’s new man liked your story. Your body? Summer-ready. Your errand run? Sexual awakening for half the parking lot.

8. The Hotel Elevator Ride Back to Your Room

Flirt Factor: 😈

Still dripping. Still in your jockstrap-adjacent swimwear. Someone’s pretending to scroll their phone while trying so hard not to look directly at your hips. Say “evening” as you step off. Leave a trail of chlorinated confidence.

Honorable Mention: Literally Any Mirror

Because the first person who needs to check you out… is you. And baby, you’re delivering.

So what did we learn?

Confidence is portable. Swimwear is an attitude. And if you’re not causing at least one person to rethink their entire day, are you really making the most of summer?

Now go forth. Strut boldly. Stretch seductively. Adjust that waistband one more time—just in case someone’s watching.