By Eris Chase

What’s a culture if it doesn’t evolve?? Stale and dusty, that’s what. The newest of the new new  in the gay sexy sex culture is the rise in identifying as a “Side”, aka, a person who chooses not  to engage in penetrative intercourse, either as the giver or receiver. We like to think of it as  instead of there being a top and a bottom, it’s more being side by side. Yes? And, you know  us here at AC, there is nothing we love more then hearing about how you all are claiming  your identities and declaring your desires loud and proud! Let’s do a little wade into the pool  of the non penetrative release seekers and find out more about this shift into new norms.  

The New Intimacy is Whatever You Want it to Be  

Let’s get the big question out of the way first… sooooo… how did this become the newest  big thing since cock cages went mainstream?? It’s not like someone sent out a memo saying,  "Did you know you can enjoy sex without an elaborate preparation ritual that feels like you’re  readying for an invasion? Did you also know that you can enjoy sex without being paranoid  you are going to hurt someone or your dick won’t cooperate or, *audible gasp* wither under  the pressure to perform?” Being a side has grown in popularity because people are  engaging only in what works for them and their partner/s.  

It’s deciding for ourselves what we want to consider in our sexual odyssey. Penetrative sex  might have always been the go to, end all, top shelf liquor of intimacy, but, who said it has to  continue to be? Choosing what works for our bodies, our mindset, our journey through this  life, never needs to match anyone else’s. If penetration isn’t doing it for you, isn’t making you  feel settled and ready to let the doors blow out on your passion, then why choose it? Sides  have come to this conclusion and are actively building networks of likeminded FWB’s to claim  their rightful spot in the sensuality landscape.  

Sides Get to Be Very Creative  

This news is nothing new, but, it bears repeating, not everyone finds penetration enjoyable or  comfortable. The reasons are endless in these categories too. From the real physical  discomfort that can happen, the anxiety surrounding performance, the ultra, next level,  demanding prep work… because goddess knows, if anyone knocks on Pooh’s door and Pooh  happens to be home, it can cause its own low level drama (except there really shouldn’t be  any drama or embarrassed trauma, one can’t expect a surgical room level of clean at all times, 

small issues can and will happen. It’s the grace with which we handle them that matters… but,  that is a post for another day.).  

Sides have taken all this and decided to put comfortable, mutually or self satisfying, low stress  pleasure front and center. Think of extra long make out sessions, cuddle so much you can’t  disentangle your limbs, beyond hott grinding sessions, hand jobs with the perfect pressure,  thigh rubbing mutual masturbation, oral that sucks your soul out of you body… so, so, so,  many ways to cum aside from penetration. Let’s not forget the spontaneity too. No  preparations needed here, except maybe remembering where you put your perfect  consistency hand job lube.  

It’s Can Be the Ultimate Self Care  

Saying you’re a Side, checking that box as publicly as you feel comfortable with, is truly  putting ones needs first. It’s self love, baby! Regardless of why someone is choosing to Side;  maybe it’s to reduce risk of STI’s, there could be past trauma, they may have been into  penetration in the past but aren’t now, they went to a Bate party and really liked it, or, the  reasons above, it’s all good. All of us living our best sexual lives is the best possible gift we  can give to ourselves.  

Plus, truly, we are kind of living in a golden era for finding new lifestyles. Thanks, internet! The  more people sharing their stories of all the sorts on all of the platforms, the more we realize,  “Oh, hey girl, there are a lot of us into this”. We can stop feeling like because we don’t fit into  the former rigid box of sexual definition, somehow we are getting it wrong. Sides prove daily,  there is no one road map to pleasure.  

Last Thought  

It can’t be said enough, all of us being at ease in our identities and at peace in our desires can  and will make life a more brilliant and beautiful journey. We love a new set of rules, a new set  of roads being laid out. Give it a try, go Side for a week or so, enjoy the fun and drop some  pressure. Who knows.. you may find yourself in a whole new land of intense enjoyment!

July 04, 2024 — Andrew Christian