TOP-Secret Truths: What Tops Are Too Polite to Tell You (But We Will)
Tops: the muscley, mysterious, maddeningly polite heroes of our gay fairytales. They slide into our DMs with “sup,” show up with clean sheets (we hope), and pretend they don’t notice when you awkwardly queue up Beyoncé mid-foreplay. But behind those polite smiles and flexed forearms, they’re holding back a lot. And baby… we’re here to spill it.
1. “Yes, We Can Feel When You Didn’t Prep.”
Listen, we all have off days. Maybe Taco Tuesday got out of hand, or maybe you meant to douche but fell asleep watching Drag Race. Most tops are too polite (or scared of hurting your feelings) to say anything… but that little oopsie moment? Yeah. They noticed. They’re just pushing through like the brave soldiers they are.
2. “Your Dirty Talk Is Giving… Google Translate.”
Tops love some filthy pillow talk—but they will NOT be the ones to tell you when you’re delivering lines like, “Take my manhood, Daddy king!” Sir. What medieval fanfiction is this? If your top suddenly speeds things up, he might just be trying to finish before you call his dick a wand of pleasure again.
3. “That One Position? Is… Not Working.”
You know the one. Where your leg’s behind your head, you’re perched like a flamingo, and someone’s yelling “deeper!” like it’s a séance. Tops won’t always say it, but some of y’all’s favorite positions are not doing what you think they are. Sometimes he’s just going along with it because you seem really passionate. Bless him.
4. “We’re Into Praise Too, You Know.”
He just carried you like a gym bag across three rooms, flipped you like a pancake, and still remembered your safe word—maybe tell him he’s doing a good job? Tops love praise. Moan a little louder. Grab a bicep. Call him your little overachiever. He’ll melt—and probably go even harder.
5. “We’re Not Actually All Dominant 24/7.”
Some of your fave tops are softies. They want to be big spoon. They want you to hold their hand after. They’ll rail you into next week and then ask if you wanna watch Shrek and share a Gatorade. Tops can be service tops, romantic tops, switchy tops, and yes—even cuddle bottoms in the streets.
6. “We Know When You’re Faking It.”
Yes, even without a… well, you know. There’s a difference between enjoying it and doing your best impersonation of a porn star having an exorcism. You don’t need to perform, babe. Be present. Communicate. Moan naturally. Unless you actually do moan like a dolphin—then maybe… whisper.
So next time you’re in bed with a top, just remember: under that strong, sexy exterior is a sweet, slightly scared boy who’s trying his best not to offend, disappoint, or get called “mid” on Twitter.
Let’s give them some love. Or at least a sincere “good job, Daddy.”
