When The Gaydar Is Inconclusive

Article written by Maya Vukovska

I have recently come upon this relatively new TikTok challenge, “Tell me you’re gay without telling me!” There was this guy who did it by showing his small dog breed. It was a pug or something. And I thought that this challenge relies extremely on shared-knowledge stereotypes about gay men, i.e. you can recognize one by his gestures, his cocktail preferences, his accessories, and, well, his pet, obviously. But of course, this doesn’t always work that way. At least not anymore. “Effeminate” behavior and dazzling styling might have been the prevailing image of gay men, but things have dramatically changed over the last few years. Gay men started to gravitate around other styles, mainly to avoid adverse social reactions. Even the flamboyant and emotional gays, the ones obsessed with fashion, art, and Cher, have moved on to wearing more “masculine” clothes. It’s happening as we speak: the era of gay vagueness is already upon us.

Gay Vagueness ≠ Metrosexuality

I have friends who once bragged about their advanced gaydars, version 10.5.1. Nowadays, however, they are totally confused as they struggle to tell who’s gay and who’s straight. Gay vagueness, or being in the grey area of sexuality, is to blame for messing with our gaydars. While gays are shrugging off their diva-identified attire, the Chris-Hemsworhian fitness type of straight men is drifting away from the Men’s Health cover alpha-male image. The latter is really comfortable wearing Gucci web rubber sandals, and muscle-fit T-shirts. And no, he won’t describe himself as metrosexual because he believes that men like David Beckham and Zac Efron belong to another epoch.

The Gay Wears Prada

“How come you don’t dress gay?!”
If you’re one of those guys who don’t like wearing their homosexuality on their sleeve, you must have been asked that question at least a dozen times. It’s not that you totally gave up your gayness, it’s just you’ve diverted it from the cliché and adopted a more mainstream approach to clothing.

We live in a new world where gay men walk around dressed like straight Tommy Hilfiger models. Plush pleated pants are replaced with Hugo Boss flat-fronts and suede loafers - with Prada lace-ups. Being stylish doesn’t necessarily come with a sexual orientation label, you know.

Welcome to “Middle Land”

Once, you could tell that a guy is straight only by spotting a wedding ring on his finger. Now, you are feeling lost in the “Middle Land” - a metaphorical stripe of neutral territory where neither a wedding ring nor the looks tells you anything affirmative about a person’s sexual orientation. Gay men watch football instead of Glee, and straight guys are wearing pastel polo shirts and pushing strollers in the park. It is a positive tendency because, according to sociologists, expressing one’s sexuality, no matter whether through a Rambo-style behavior or a provocative, effeminate clothing, is always about overcompensation. Fortunately, more and more gay and straight men nowadays are shedding the need to demonstrate their sexuality. And we love how they look.

Are you a disgrace to the gay community?

Times have changed and self-loathing for being gay has evolved into self-loathing for not being gay enough. I understand why one would be struggling with the thought that they are betraying their gay community by dressing mainstream and reading Sports Illustrated. But if you feel you are not cool enough like those Instagram guys who paint their nails, wear makeup and tank tops, you need to stop! Because most of these guys suck. And I don’t mean dick. Don’t try to be like the people who are living their Britney Spears fantasy and unfriend everybody who’s not flashy enough. Besides, what qualifies as “gay enough” anyway? The “right” shows you watch or attending the “right” parties? If you want to be conspicuously gay just to be liked in certain circles, you are playing a losing game, brother. And I have some news for you...

The codes have broken down

For years gay men were the front runners of new fashion trends. And every time they got tired of being fabulous, they’d leave the leftovers to the straight guys to feed on. In recent years, though, straight guys have become as quick at adopting trends as gays аre, and we can’t any more point the finger at them, accusing them of appropriating items from the gay wardrobe. Yes, the codes have broken down indeed, and that’s also because many of the brands have become gay vague.

What's the moral of the story? Here it is. Modern men, gay or straight, are incredibly fashion-conscious, and they are not afraid to use fashion as a weapon against old-time social conformity.