When You're Still Not Over Your Ex
Article written by Sam Machado
A broken heart is inevitable. There's no escaping one. After a break-up, you do whatever you have to do. You wear your sweats all day, eat ice cream, drink wine, mope around and cry for weeks. But then more time goes by and you're in a better state of mind. You pick up some new hobbies, work out and laugh again. Maybe you even meet someone new. But that doesn't always mean your heart has fully healed. Sure, your ex isn't the biggest thing clouding up your mind, but he still appears here and there. And it still hurts. You might still wonder what you did wrong, how happy the two of you could've been and you might ponder if it's worth talking to him at this point. Well, here are some tips that might help you out when you're at post-heartbreak phase, but not full healing phase.
There is that old saying that heartbreak takes about half the time the two of you were together to heal. Turns out that is a vicious lie. You could've been in a relationship with someone for five years and get over them in three days after a break-up. You could go on two dates with someone only for them to ghost you and then one year later, you still feel the connection you shared. Regardless of how long it's been, don't beat yourself up thinking that after a certain amount of time, you should be over it. Everyone goes at their own pace and your heart will heal when it's ready.
When your ex called it quits with you, there could've been a number of reactions you had- shock, sadness, anger, numbness, confusion, etc. And chances are that feeling didn't go away anytime soon. Months or years may have gone by and you still feel for him. But do you still feel every emotion you encountered from when he ended it with you? Maybe so, but has the pain at least lessened? Are you doing more for yourself than you were six months ago? If so, then you're doing great. Your feelings might say otherwise, but if you're staying active with your life, that shows how much you're healing more than you realize.
Remember that there is nothing wrong with having continuous feelings for someone whether you had something serious with them or not. This shows that you have a good heart and that you care for others. Unfortunately, your ex wasn't the person who could see all this, but someone will. Realize that so many others have been in the same position you're in and are probably thinking, “Why do I still think about him after
Why it Didn't Work Out
One of the most important things you can do- focus on why it didn't work out. Was it because the two of you wanted different things? Because they met someone else? Because the feelings just weren't there? Regardless of the answer, there was a reason and that is what would've prevented any positive future you would have had together. When a certain amount of time goes by, the reasons for the breakup can outweigh any potential for a lasting relationship. Ask yourself at this point: “Do I really want to try again with someone who didn't really have feelings for me?” You deserve far better than that.
If six months have gone by since the breakup, focus on what you've been up to in these past six months. Did you get back to the gym? Get a new job? Learn how to play the guitar like a rock star? Make new friends? Simply just get out of bed? Let your accomplishments fill you with pride and your break-up can look a lot more like a faint memory.
Live your Life
Sadness is a feeling that everyone goes through. Healing takes time. And you will be okay. Let yourself feel what you need to feel and then get out there to see where the future will take you.