You’re lying there, looking delicious, all natural, feeling your oats, when suddenly—BAM—some dude hits you with, “So…you gonna shave that?”

Excuse me, sir? I’m about to let you enter the sacred garden and you’re worried about a few blades of grass??

Look, it’s 2025. Body hair is sexy, masculinity is sexy, femininity is sexy, authenticity is sexy. But still—there are some guys out there who act like finding a little fuzz on your peach is the end of the world. Why? Let’s unpack this foolishness together.

1. It’s Just a Personal Preference (Allegedly)

For some dudes, it really is no deeper than, “I just like a smooth butt.” They’re not thinking about internalized homophobia or social constructs—they just think a shaved booty feels nice when they spank it, eat it, or smash it. That’s it. No conspiracy. No secret agenda. Just smooth sailing, literally.

2. Porn Ruined Everything (Again)

If you’ve watched even ten seconds of gay porn, you know that the industry loves a hairless twinkie. It’s been drilled into a lot of heads (pun intended) that a “perfect” bottom has to be as smooth as a dolphin. Unfortunately, not every ass needs—or wants—to be a Slip N’ Slide, and that’s perfectly okay.

3. Internalized Homophobia Is Real, Sweetie

Now, sometimes (not always, but sometimes) when a guy is super fixated on you being shaved, skinny, hairless, and as close to a Barbie doll as possible, it’s worth asking: Is he really into men…or does he need his partner to look as little like a man as possible so he can “no homo” himself through the experience?

Just saying! Not diagnosing, just raising an eyebrow in your general direction.

4. Cultural Expectations Play a Role

Some guys—especially depending on where they’re from—have different ideas about what’s “sexy” based on their background. Some cultures idealize smoothness and hairlessness as the standard of beauty. (And listen, cultural beauty standards are a whole messy, spicy enchilada we can unpack another day.)

But remember: You are not required to change your body to meet anyone else’s standards. Period.

5. Your Body, Your Bush

If you want to shave, wax, laser, or braid your ass hair into tiny little cornrows, that’s YOUR call. But no hookup, boyfriend, husband, or random torso on Grindr gets to demand it. If someone says “I’ll only fuck you if you’re shaved,” feel free to reply, “Then I guess you’re just gonna have to fuck yourself, boo!”

(Or politely decline. Whatever your vibe is.)

The bottom line (heh)?

Hairy, smooth, shaved, trimmed, or wild and free—you deserve someone who’s excited to have you as you are, not just as you are after a trip to CVS and three hours in the bathroom with a razor.

And if someone is lucky enough to get between these cheeks? They should be grateful either way.

Stay hairy. Stay fabulous. Stay you. 💅