Article by Maya Vukovska
Tired of being the only shy gay guy in the hood? This is how you get rid of your shyness
I am THAT old that I remember the times when the elders would teach us, the kids, that shyness is a quality that beautifies a person, and being cocksure is what uglifies them. Today, the exact opposite concept is being celebrated. Yes, shyness may be a great asset in some situations, but in the modern gay world, it is just an obstacle to getting more ass.
Shyness in its extreme form, social anxiety disorder, is killing the social and love life of about 15 million Americans. It almost never develops in adulthood, but specific life experiences can make someone more reserved and reluctant to interact with other people. Boyhood gender conformities and extreme sensitivity to possible rejection of others can be such triggers for gay people. That’s why, being gay AND shy sometimes feels like a personal shortcoming. But is there a remedy for shyness, you’d ask.
Unfortunately, I don't have a magic pill for this, but I can at least offer some useful tips that may help you overcome your shyness.
Turn the defect into an effect
In 2016, Winnie Harlow becomes the first model with a severe form of vitiligo to walk in the Victoria’s Secret show. This young lady’s life story exemplifies how you can turn your biggest weakness into your biggest strength. Now, it’s unlikely that you will start earning money and popularity because of your shyness, but it can certainly help you acquire the image of that mysterious, taciturn heartthrob everybody is curious about. You won't believe how many gay men are ridiculously attracted to enigmatic guys with a brooding vibe.
Don’t try too hard to untie your tongue
You probably envy people for whom talking is as effortless as breathing, because for you it’s as hard as performing a brain surgery (unless, of course, you are an actual brain surgeon!). But chatterboxes are not always that pleasant and fun to be around - they can be too loud and too annoying. On the other hand, people are prone to turn to the quiet ones, like yourself, for sensible advice simply because they are considered to be better listeners and observers/judges of human behavior.
Step out of your comfort zone
The most probable reason why you can’t freely interact with strangers is that you’re stuck in your social circle and don’t dare to step out of it and experience new things. But you know what they say: no pain, no gain. So, if you want to get rid of your shyness-slash-nerdiness, you have to make a serious effort. Join a gym where you can train not only your body but also your social skills. Or take up a side job where you’ll be dealing with people face to face. Why not as a bartender in your favorite gay bar - it will be impossible to avoid talking to people, and still you’ll be in a safe, familiar environment. In that way, you will kill two rabbits with one shot, as Slavic people would say. And in your case, it will be a tequila shot. Or two, or more…
Seek therapy
That can be your last resort in case your social anxiety is going through the roof, and you feel like you are not capable of controlling it yourself. Therapists are trained professionals and can help you - better than me, anyway! - identify the cause of your shyness, manage the physical symptoms, and develop strategies to handle various social situations.
The dating scene is difficult for anyone to navigate, but the gay dating scene can be especially brutal for a shy person. For one thing, if you want to get noticed, you have to lock horns with colorful, vivacious personalities who, unlike you, have zero problems putting themselves out there. You may have thought that it’s your shyness that’s ruining your love life, but now you know that a shy player is not necessarily a losing player. And I hope that my tips will help you counter your shyness, and you become the player who’ll triumph on the (battle)field of love.
