Article by Maya Vukovska
Is THAT Even Possible?!
Have you had this moment of revelation when, after years of Grindr dating, sauna exploring, and bar hopping, you stop to catch your breath, and you think, “Enough is enough”? Even if one is already emotionally and physically drained, and constantly feeling anxious about STDs, they find it hard to step out of the matrix, called hookup culture. And they can’t help but wonder: How can I change it? How to end the vicious circle, break free from this life, and settle down…eventually?
Yes, it can be difficult to achieve such peace - of mind AND body - mainly because you are not willing to confess to yourself that you’re done. But it is not impossible. If you are ready to restructure your life AND your future relationships, you may find the following tips useful.
Treat it like a bad habit
Practice makes perfect. While this phrase applies wonderfully to every professional sphere of life, it’s bad news for you. The thing is that the more you practice casual sex, the more perfect you become in it. At some point, however, you find yourself hopelessly hooked on hooking up. Constantly choosing your partners with your eyes, and not so much with your mind lessens your chances of getting yourself a monogamous relationship. But if you really want this, you need to treat your behavior as any other addiction, really, and make these three necessary steps to get rid of it:
-Understand the nature of your behavior.
-Become drug-free (which, in your case, will be hookups-free).
-Prevent relapse.
Re-think the whole sauna experience
If you are not quite ready yet to give up for good gay bathhouses, I suggest that you start the “withdrawal” with baby steps. Instead of going alone with the sole intention to have your cock sucked by strangers, next time take a friend with you. That should be someone who’s your soul sister, someone you have laughs with, but also someone in front of whom you’ll feel uncomfortable having sex with strangers. Thus, you’ll move the sauna visits from the conscience-stricken sphere of your mind to the social sphere. After that, you can discuss with your friend the sauna visits just like you two discuss movies. And why not make fun of the horny guys instead of being one of these guys.
50 First Dates
Remember this charming, but utterly idiotic rom-com from 2004? Henry (Adam Sandler) is a guy afraid of commitment. This all changes when he meets beautiful Lucy (Drew Barrymore) - a girl plagued by short-term memory loss, leading her to forget him every morning she wakes up. This unfortunate circumstance makes Henry give him no option but to make her fall in love with him over and over again, every single day. Apart from the improbable scenario, this is exactly what you have to do as another step in your “recovery” process.
That’s right - it’s time for you to do the (hard) work of dating. Keeping sex off the table until you get to REALLY know this person whom you find interesting and compatible, is vital. I mean, if you want to find your personal “keeper.” It doesn’t necessarily take 50 or more dates to find that guy, but you have to be patient and resilient. For once.
Abigail Thomas has said it - “Good things happen slowly.”
Live in the “now”
The hardest possible challenge you will face in your quest for monogamy is to stop thinking about the imminent end of the relationship. After a lifetime of partying and casual sex, it’s hard not to look forward to the next stillborn relationship, or the next party. So, next time when you meet someone who is boyfriend material, try not to look in panic for the exit sign. Instead, find that little button inside your head, that, once pushed, will make you see the future in brighter colors. And if you get your heart broken, don’t just jump into the next bed to forget. Own your pain - that, too, is a part of the process of becoming a monogamous person.
