How to Break Up With Your Friend With Benefits
Article written by Rahmel Reid
As we embark on the coldest time of the year, it’s common practice to lockdown a cuddle buddy. Often referred to as cuffing season — ‘tis the season to basically secure a fuck buddy. You classy hoes refer to it as a friend with benefits. But having a reliable lay isn’t just restricted to this time of year, truth be told, people have fuck buddies year round. It’s supposed to be an easy going, respectful and (most importantly) lustful relationship. You mean to tell me that I don’t have to court you? I don’t have to answer your “where are you?” texts. I don’t need to make any compromises on my weekend social plans. And I still can get some reliable head, ass and dick? But all good things must come to an end. So what happens when you find yourself in the position… not that position that you and your FWB have grown to love so much — I’m talking about the uncomfortable one where you have to break up with your reliable fuck buddy. Or you may find yourself on the receiving end of that. How do you break up with your friend with benefits?
If you’ve ever had a FWB, you know that it’s not all roses all of the time. People can develop certain feelings. Someone can become dickmatized. Jealousy and entitlement can play a factor in this sort of a non-committed relationship. It certainly isn’t for the faint of heart. Then there’s the reality that nothing lasts forever. You may be ready for something new. A new FWB can be your priority. Or your lifestyle and desires may have changed. Maybe you’re now dating someone serious and you’re ready for all of that empty side sex to come to an end. There are a few ways that you can certainly go about this. Let’s start with how NOT to break up with your FWB.
DON’T ghost your FWB. Whether the two of you had an easygoing dynamic or a somewhat rocky road, you owe it to one another, to at the very least treat each other with some decency. You guys were routinely bumping privates, I’d have to imagine that a little bit of respect had to be accrued. Plus whoever will be on the receiving end of that “break up” will have to deal with an instant change that they had no idea was coming. They should at least be informed of that from you, instead of having to figure it out on their own after no longer hearing from you. Now I’m not saying that ghosting is entirely wrong, however in this instance — it is a bit cruel.
DON’T tell them this situation has become too routine or mundane. Yes, being upfront is a respectable quality but in the words of Cardi B, “what was the reason?” But with sensitive shit like this, sometimes it’s just best to tell a little white lie. Not an elaborate lie, blame it on you wanting to shift your focus to work or you want to go celibate. But please don’t tell these people that you’re moving out of state and then they bump into your ass at the local Trader Joe’s a month later. Sometimes you have to wear two faces in society, it’d be uncivilized not to at certain times. You’re simply sparing someone’s feelings here.
DON’T trigger anyone! Like I mentioned earlier, these relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. If you need to end this FWB situation in order to protect your peace, do so. I fully support. But you shouldn’t add to the toxicity by letting them know they’re too clingy, they’re annoying or they’re obsessed with your dick. Sure they may have some things they need to improve on, but you don’t want to highlight any of those insecurities in them. You can’t control your FWB actions, but you certainly are in control of how you respond in this situation.
DO communicate your sentiments to your FWB in a (somewhat) caring way. I know that these fuck buddy scenarios can foster a ‘I don’t owe you anything’ mindset amongst a lot of people — but at some point things were good. And felt good, you know like when a rock hard dick was massaging your insides? I think you do in fact owe just a tad bit of warmth to the other person as you permanently end things. As long as this isn’t becoming a Fatal Attraction situation, just let it be known that you’re stepping away for personal reasons. You don’t have to go into detail if you choose not to. I just think that when you’ve been intimate with someone, multiple times at that — there’s some sort of trust and bond that develops. Imagine if you were the one that was getting cut off from the booty or dick! How would you want someone to end things? You gotta’ do what you gotta’ do in order to protect your peace, but in doing so, you should also consider their peace.
