Dear Agatha,
As any seasoned single gay man knows, dating can be a rollercoaster. I’ve been single for about a year now, following a relationship that ended after five years together. The first handful of months were tough, but eventually I got back on my feet and started putting myself back out there again. I downloaded a few of the dating apps just to “browse the menu” a bit, and I’ve had some fun here and there.
Until recently, I just really was using them to look at faces and such. That changed when a really hot and funny guy messaged me, and we hit it off relatively quickly. We met for coffee, then again for drinks, then a movie, and eventually I couldn’t deny that I liked the guy a lot. We have a lot in common, he’s gorgeous, and he makes me laugh.
What’s the problem with this, you ask? Well, nothing, except I also recently met another guy through a chance encounter out running errands one day. We literally bumped into each other and he struck up a conversation with me. One thing led to another and now I’ve been texting him frequently and have met him a time or two for coffee as well.
Both of these guys are charming, charismatic, and genuinely show an interest in me. I connect with both of them on so many levels, and they’re both so stupidly hot without a shirt on (which is always a plus).
Neither of these guys have asked to be exclusive, but I still feel like I might be doing something wrong, or setting myself (and them) up for a world of potential hurt. What should I do?
Thanks for your help!
Nicholas
Dear Nicholas,
Ahhh…the lovely conundrum of having two potential suitors. I believe I’ve read plenty of romance novels about this very same topic. It’s always so much more exotic in the books and movies than it is in real life, right?
First of all, kudos to you for finding not one, but two guys who tickle your heart (and maybe other things, too). It’s hard enough to find one sometimes. It sounds like both of these guys could be pretty great for you, given the things you’ve mentioned about sharing a connection with them.
As always, I turn to the concept of honesty. You absolutely must be honest with everyone in this scenario sooner rather than later. But the person who deserves your honesty most in this moment is actually yourself. You need to take a good, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what it is that you really want here.
If you’re looking to eventually jump into a relationship with one of them, you’ll eventually need to make a choice. You mentioned that you’re not exclusive with either one yet, so you have some time to feel it out. Notice your conversations with each guy. Notice how you feel when you see each one’s name pop up on your phone screen. Does one make you feel more safe than the other? Do you align with the morals and beliefs of one more than the other? You might need to list the pros and cons of each to really determine what you’re looking for here.
Forgive the musical reference here, but really be sure to listen to your heart before you tell either of them goodbye. Really make sure that you know what you’re doing and trust yourself when you make any decision.
Until you decide, have fun with them and enjoy dating and learning more about yourself as you go! Be safe and you’ll know what to do in the end.
XOXO,
Agatha
