Article written by Kendra Beltran

So here we are, amidst a global pandemic. No, this isn’t the start to some Ryan Murphy end of the world softcore porn for cable, this is real life and we’re all still learning to cope with the newfound reality. We’ve got our masks, learned the importance of six feet, and well...are all wondering how to get some while staying safer than usual. How could you think about sex right now, ask some. Well, we’re fucking human, but not stupid. While we can’t go home with a random we meet while trying to get toilet paper on our essential run, there are a few other ways we can still have somewhat of a sex life while doing our part to social distance and flatten that damn curve.


This is one is pretty simple and something we all do, probably weekly anyway, but masturbating is the easiest way to please yourself when no one else is around and well, you can’t have anyone else in the house because you don’t know where they’ve been. We ain’t even talking about STDs anymore. Now we have to worry about the pandemic virus. Life, it gets messy but honey, we have a way to keep it clean.

Video Chat

Not too long ago video chats looked a bit barbaric. Now we’re in the 21st century, and the likes of Zoom, Skype, and Facetime have improved the way we see one another when we’re not in the same room. Now, more than ever is the time to take full advantage of the technology those sexy ass tech geeks have created. Plus, sexing over video chat is like starring in your own porn in a cool way.


If you have been wondering if you should shoot your shot with that fine piece of ass you have been lurking online for a minute, now is the time my friend! Why? Because what else do you have going on, and well...what do you really have to lose? If they get back to you, it is a win and you can take it from there and possibly move on to other forms of conversation (and sexual situations). If they leave you on read, you can just move onto the next. There is no shortage of hot men sharing thirst traps online. So slide my precious, slide!


Thank gawd we are miles away from the days when texts cost like $.10. Anyone remember those days?! We’re in a better place as far as that’s concerned, and we even have the ability to send pictures - if you catch my drift. So if you are a scholar, better with your words and are not against sending the occasional dick pic every now and then, this could be the perfect avenue for you to continue your sexcapades without ever having to leave the comfort of your own home.

Phone Sex

So many of us have this innate fear of answering the phone. Don’t really know when, where, why that developed but for many of us, we would rather walk on a bed of nails than answer a number we don’t know. For those who do not get instant anxiety when the phone rings though, this is your time to take part in the world of phone sex. Long-distance couples utilized this format long ago and it is about time it made a comeback. It also takes a lot more imagination than chatting via video too because all you have is their voice and the conversation to get you to where you need to be to finish on each end of the call.

April 14, 2020 — Andrew Christian