How to Make Polyamory Work For You

Article written by Kendra Beltran

Watching nothing but ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ and drag queen content for the past year, my YouTube is stacked with drag content. So the other day a video popped up featuring ‘Drag Race’ season 8 winner Bob the Drag Queen and their two boyfriends. Intrigued, I clicked and took in about half before my bed called out to me. A few days later I interviewed a musician who said they were in a polyamorous situation. If our grandparents perfected marrying your neighbor and not even trying to look elsewhere - millennials are taking it upon themselves to explore well, a whole lot more.

Polyamory isn’t just about having multiple sexual partners, but can also mean having more than one romantic partner as well - like in the case of Bob the Drag Queen. So for those who are interested in going down this path but aren’t sure how to make it work, there are plenty of tips and ways to have a successful polyamorous relationship with your partners.

Talk to Others

The best way to learn about something is to ask people who know about it or live that lifestyle. Hit up message boards or groups on social media and don’t be afraid to ask questions that I’m sure many at the starting line of polyamory have swirling around in their heads. It’s like when you want to know more about sex, you don’t go asking your virginal friend, right? You ask those with experience to get the straight facts.

Honest is Key

Once you and your partner(s) decide polyamory is the path you want to explore, it’s insanely important to know where everyone stands in terms of intimacy and forming relationships with others. While polyamory is about being open, jealousy is as human as breathing so it’s important to always keep a line of communication open with everyone involved.

Be Aware of Couple Privilege

This goes along with the last, but it’s important to be aware of couple privilege when introducing a new person into the mix. If you and your partner have been dating for a certain amount of time and then you go and get another partner, or they do, that new person may feel a little on the outside looking in because you and the other have been together for longer.

Don’t Treat People Like Objects

When you and your partner(s) agree on polyamory, that’s not to say that anyone else you bring into it is just a piece of ass to fuck. No, these are humans with human feelings and it’s crucial to treat anyone you enter anything with a certain level of respect. When you first hookup, you don’t have to necessarily say within the first five minutes that you’re poly and whatnot but if you and this particular person continue to see one another and they start to catch feels, you have to set the record straight and let them know your situation and see if they’re comfortable with it before you continue with them because while you may be open, they may want something more monogamous.

Be Open to Change Down the Road

You and your partner(s) may agree upon a certain set of rules, but perhaps guidelines to how things will work when y’all start out but like many things in life, over time you or their minds may change. So it’s important to check in with one another every so often to see if the current situation is working for all of those involved and to see if there need to be some amendments made to how you are living your poly lifestyle.