Like Your Ass Ate? Here's What to Know Before You Spread 'Em

Article written by Rahmel Reid

We’re definitely about to drag some folks’ names through the mud on this one. I mean, a topic like this — if you continue to read beyond this point, you might come across some serious shit. Yes, cliche. But it feels appropriate to make these very obvious analogies, since we’re talking about the place where humans in-fact, defecate from! I know, we’re used to keeping shit cute and clean (or at least one would hope for), but sometimes we just have to call it for what it is. There are a lot of individuals, that are way too comfortable asking to get their ass’ pleasured, without doing the appropriate preparation process prior to. So what are some things that you should keep in mind before asking to get your ass played with? More importantly, ate?! Oh baby, allow me to dig deeper.

CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS

Let’s just be clear, you do not have to worship a God — in order for you to relate to this. No matter who or what you worship, yo’ ass should be clean point, blank, period. But when it’s coming down to anything anal play, you especially need to keep your hygiene in mind. Yes, I know there are communities out there that are into raunchy anal play; that may involve scents and scat —but we’re not discussing that. We are speaking generally, a concept that anyone with an asshole should be able to comprehend. WASH YO’ ASS. Overall hygiene in these regions should be considered. Unless someone specifically told you that they like the smell of sweat, musk or shit — you should never be spreading your ass cheeks for anyone, in any capacity. Water and soap should be your best friend, before you ask your friend with benefits to do any back door action.

DOUCHING

That leads us to one of the (arguably) most important key factors in this entire ordeal. You should never be fixing your mouth to ask someone to fix theirs, to literally eat your ass if you know you haven’t prepared for anal play (again, in any capacity). With special exceptions to pre-discussed kinks that both parties have agreed on! The community has blossomed, into so many different sectors. There are obviously gay men, bi-men, non-binary men, and we’re going to include the very large portion of down low homosexual men that engage in gay sex. Some have been in the community for a long time and others are in the freshmen class. So everyone may not know proper gay etiquette. You absolutely should be douching your asshole and lower intestines out if you are expecting any type of anal pleasure. Wouldn’t you want that to be clean? Where is your pride? Most importantly, bitch where is your shame?! Oral, anal penetration, ass-to-mouth, so many sexual factor can be thrown off by your lack off cleansing. He said he wanted you to be a dirty slut. He didn’t actually mean to be dirty girl, get yo’ ass in the shower. And if this just so happens to be on your mind, you better be cognizant of what the hell you’re eating for lunch.

GIRL, HAVE SOME DECORUM

Do not impose! Allow people to offer and ask you. My biggest gripe (especially these days) is a guy either suggesting or asking for his ass to be ate. You don’t have to go home, but you need to get the hell up out of here. Personally, I feel like this is not something that you should push onto someone else. Allow them to offer such pleasures. Not everyone is comfortable with anal play, especially sticking their tongue in-between your ass. Allow them to work themselves up to being comfortable to perform such acts. They said that they were down to give you head, not lick your taint or suck your asshole. It’s not only ignorantly and blatantly presumptuous to assume they would, it’s also just extremely rude (in my opinion). And if you’re that guy that walks into someone’s home, without ever offering to eat their ass but you’re steady spreading your cheeks in a desperate attempt to get your anal cavity moist - without ever offering to eat their ass, bitch you need to be slapped. Not only have the other party most likely douched, but your ass is walking in off the streets, out of your job or from running errands — and your asshole isn’t hygienically ready (by todays standards) to be played with. Your ass shouldn’t be asking anyone to visit that region.

COMMUNICATION, BITCH LET’S HAVE A CONVERSATION

This is absolutely something that you should be discussing prior to. If you are the person that springs this on someone, I want you to know that you’ve been heavily discussed in someone’s group chat. You were the main character that day. And not in a good way. In a Kanye way. Communicate with your sexual partner about what you’re looking for. Not everyone is open to eating ass (or fingering it, or fucking it). Whether you’re a top or bottom. Or vice-versa. Maybe someone doesn’t like to eat a hairy hole. Or maybe your asshole isn’t aesthetically pleasing to the eye and someone doesn’t want to caress it with their tongue. Sticking ya asshole in someone’s face can be very aggressive and it can be that one act that gets you on the “block list”. Even if that person is about to fuck you, you still shouldn’t make any assumptions. Have that conversation, so that you can be clear, before you choose to stick your derriere, in the direction (and proximity) which within they steer.

A very wise gay once told me, when you choose to ASSUME — you make an “ASS” out of “U” and “ME”. I literally just spelled it out for you. Don’t just assume people will be down to play with your ass, especially if you haven’t adhered to any of the aforementioned (suggested) protocols. And while we don’t shame on this platform, we do however like it to be somewhat insightful — so if you come across this post, please send it along to your bi-sexual and down-low friends since they’re the biggest offenders. Let’s all be anal, about anal. And after reading this post, and you’re disregarding all of the aforementioned but still asking to get tongued down where the sun doesn’t shine — I’m just going to go ahead and blame your mama. I’m sorry, but these shitty manners (in my opinion) can and will be, attributed to your parents not raising you right.