Love at First Sight? No, Thanks, I'll Have a Second Look

Article written by Maya Vukovska

It has never happened to me, personally. That is why I thoroughly researched the topic, and I have come to the conclusion that falling in love at first sight doesn’t happen only to Jennifer Aniston in a rom-com. It's not just a lovely fantasy, it's a real thing, and if one's lucky, they'll get to experience this funny sensation deep in the gut known as “butterflies in the stomach” upon meeting someone for the first time. However, myths about gays’ promiscuity undervalue their ability to experience genuine love. But even if that’s the case and some guy is sleeping around it doesn’t mean he is incapable of falling in love with someone he’s just met. Love at first sight is scientifically explained with changes in the brain’s biochemistry, which makes it’s a common, non-discriminatory sensation.

Mistaking sex for love

Have you thought why, in the first place, it is called “love at first sight”? Is it the sight of his dating app profile picture that makes your heart flutter? Or is it the sight of his sweaty back in the gym’s shower room? No matter what you see first, what is important here is that the faculty of sight is at play. When the physical attraction leads to a satisfactory sexual act between two strangers, the sexual arousal can easily be taken (or mistaken, if you wish) for falling in love. But it sounds much more elegant if you label sex as “love.”

Funny little creatures flapping wings in your guts

There is a strong gut-brain connection, and you don’t have to be a Harvard graduate to know it. It’s happened to you many times before - getting sick to your stomach when sadness, anxiety, or anger hits you. The butterflies-in-the-stomach thing may be just an idiomatic expression explaining the queasiness you feel upon seeing someone you’re instantly attracted to, but it feels soooo real.

“Can’t take my eyes off you”

You are at a party or a gay bar, and you’re bored AF. But then, in one magic moment, you lock eyes with this guy standing at the far end of the room, and suddenly you feel stripped of the ability to hear or see anyone else. Unlike the love that’s being built with patience and compromises, the most important ingredient of love at first sight is the eye contact. Maintaining eye contact without being too vulgar or suggestive works as an excellent flirting technique. But again, prolonged eye contact with some random guy in a crowded bar may feel like love at first sight, but it certainly needs to be further explored to know for sure.

The déjà-vu effect

Unlike other people you’ve met on a dating app and had sex with, this stranger instantly feels like a soul-mate, like someone you’ve known forever. With him, nothing you do or say is strained or faked, and for once you feel you can be yourself. Being completely relaxed around a guy you meet for the very first time is a sure sign you have more than just a physical reaction to his presence. It’s the type of chemistry between two strangers that is meant to last. If not forever, then at least till the next love-at-first-sight occurrence.

What looks good on the outside…

Ever watched Married At First Sight? The concept of the show exemplifies the fact that sometimes outside factors can fool one into thinking they have fallen in love at first sight while this is not the case. Let’s say, your best friend has arranged for you to meet a guy she knows from work because she is 100 percent convinced you are both perfect tens and you are meant to be together. Your expectations for this blind date are already influenced and they can interfere with your genuine perception of the person. Gay guys, especially the less experienced, but the more vain ones are prone to fall into the trap of the self-conviction that “if he’s hot and I am hot, the thing between us is the real shit.”

Love at first sight is like a mermaid - you know what they are although you’ve never seen one. Will it be much different for you as a gay man when it happens? Maybe yes, maybe no. One thing is for sure, though - when love at first sight hits you, you’ll know because it comes with the full package: the butterflies in the gut sensation, the euphoric feeling of warmth, and the cheesiest love songs playing in the back of your head.