Ways To Fuck During the Holidays With Family Around

Article written by Kendra Beltran

It does not matter how amazing and welcoming your family is when it comes to fucking and the holidays because a hectic, crowded house means privacy is pretty much as nonexistent as the brain cells in the president’s head. So when you are home for the holidays, horny as fuck, and think there is absolutely no way to get it on...think again.

Rise & Shine Early

The early bird catches the worm and in this case, some great sex. Get it on in the wee hours of the morning when everyone else is living in their REM cycle, get yourself a nice rim job. It is that simple. Just make sure to keep the moans and groans a tad bit quieter than you usually would so you do not run the risk of waking grandma.

Pick Rooms Strategically

If you know the home you are going to be staying at has a bedroom tucked away in the back where no one can hear your passionate screams, call dibs on it before your Aunt Colleen who is on her second divorce and dating Derek, the masseuse she met in Sedona. No way are you letting her take your prime fuck locale. We also suggest trying to get the basement just so long as it is finished and not one of those ones you would find in a horror movie. With all those stairs, you will rarely get anyone willing to walk all the way down them. Instead, they will likely just open the door and yell for you so you could be down there doing whatever the hell your heart desires.

Run Errands

If you can’t find a place inside the family home, then volunteer to run errands and fuck where you can outside the house. Just remember to be careful out there!

Turn the Volume Up

Whether it is the old television from 1998 your mom refuses to get rid of, or your stereo system from 5th grade she again...has around for some reason, crank that up and pretend you are in the room just taking in some entertainment and not getting your ass railed.

Don’t Eat the Turkey

The one thing we all know about turkey is that it makes you sleepy as fuck, and that is because of all the L-tryptophan it has going on. Did not think you would get a fancy word like that here, did you? ‘Jeopardy’ much? Anyways, you can always count on turkey overload to take out an entire family for at least an afternoon. So you and your partner can make a pact not to indulge too much in the fowl centerpiece so that you can then take full advantage of a napping household for a few hours.

Organize Outdoor Activities

No, you are not going to actually participate in them. Gawd no. You are just going to be the family’s biggest cheerleader and get them all organized. Then, once everyone has fallen for the ruse, you and your partner sneak back inside and enjoy one another in an empty house. Just make sure it is an outdoor activity you know your family is going to want to do for more than five minutes. Do not go introducing them to something completely out of left field that they are going to immediately hate.

Opt for a Hotel

When all else fails, and if you have the extra funds, get your ass a hotel room. Maybe not for the entirety of your trip, but at least for a few nights so you can get all the sex out of your system before you dive into family time.