When to say “No” to the weird fantasies of your FWB

Article by Maya Vukovska

Hey, Jim, do you fancy a fuck, man? Hearing that line from a buddy with whom you are used to hanging out and drinking beer may feel awkward. But only at first. Once you succumb to the temptation, you soon realize that a blowjob or a quick fuck during the halftime of the football game won’t ruin your bond. On the contrary, it will add something extra to your friendship. The biggest benefit of the friends-with-benefits arrangement is that the partners are so comfortable with each other and take sex so lightheartedly that they can live happily ever after… Till kink does them part. Once, the renown American sexologist Dr. Alfred Kinsey said that the only unnatural sex act is the one that cannot be performed. To him, all sexual pleasures were equally valid. If I have to interpret the doctor’s words in the context of today’s topic, I’ll say that no kink is abnormal, or shameful. And I will add: But only as long as it is mutually enjoyable. So, what if you find your FWB’s sexual fantasies weird, unacceptable, and even abhorrent, but you're uncomfortable discussing it with him? Rule number one for any intercourse that includes kink and BDSM is that both parties are on the same page regarding their intentions and wishes for this relationship. Setting boundaries is rule number two. This is important because when pleasure turns into embarrassment and discomfort, it is not fun anymore. If that happens, you simply have to turn your FWB down. I know that you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but keep in mind that it’s not the same situation as when he’s asking to borrow your car, to which you can’t say no. While role-playing, sex in an elevator, wearing wrestling singlets, spanking, etc. are pretty standard and harmless kinks, others are, without doubt, bothersome. Should I even start on how morally wrong is to fantasize about having sex with children, corpses, and animals! Other kinks, such as gangbanging, feederism, and gaining, can pose serious health risks. And there is this third group of weird kinks that are literally stomach-turning, like, for example, getting sexually aroused from vomit, dirty diapers, and farts. No-one should be upset with their partner if they refuse to participate in such games of kinks. In a world where STDs are a thing, an FWB insisting on sharing you with his other buddies or male family members is another kink you can certainly say no to. After all, this piece of ass is not for everybody to fuck. Let me say it again: if your FWB asks you to do something that goes against basic health principles, and that you are not comfortable with, you need to have "the talk." I was thinking about how to end this text in a more happy-go-lucky way, and a memory just popped up in my head. Some years ago, I and some friends (not with benefits, just regular ones) were having a casual conversation over beers and peanuts about our own fetishes and kinks. We were talking about outdoor sex, and doing weird stuff to socketed feet, and then one of the guys suddenly uttered, “I often fantasize about picking up some dude on Grindr, take him to my apartment, and later on, he shouts out his bank account info while cumming.” Pause. We are all quiet and waiting for what he is about to say next. “But unfortunately, it never happens.”