Dear Agatha,
I don’t know when it happened, but I have developed the absolute biggest crush on my best friend. We were former co-workers who developed a friendship outside of the workplace, and have continued to build our bond as friends over the last five years. We have done everything from wild typical Saturday nights out to vacations — even spending the holidays together with each other’s families. But recently, I’ve started to look at him in a non-platonic way. It’s not necessarily that I want to be in a relationship with him, but whenever I see him (now) I suddenly get this sensation all over me. I barely hear a word that he says, I just want to ravage him with my tongue (amongst other things of mine). I’m hoping that this phase will pass, but if it doesn’t — is a five year relationship worth gambling for an attempt at sex? What if I make him uncomfortable with my revelation of how I truly feel? Yes, I want to fuck my best friend but what should I expect moving forward if it actually happens?
Kind regards,
Caleb
Dear Caleb,
I think that at some point in life, everyone tends to glance at a friend in a different way. Chances are that if you’re spending a lot of quality time with someone that you enjoy, than those feelings can develop. But I think you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? As you mentioned, making a move on a long term, best friend — is quite a gamble. While I think that your adoration for your best friend is genuine, I would categorize it as more lust than love. And yes, we all love our best friends. You’re aware that you don’t necessarily see yourself in a relationship with him — you solely have developed a crush on him in a non-platonic sexual way. I’ve lived long enough to know that genuine, loving and respectful long-term relationships are far and few in between. We can always get sex, hell you can even pay for it legally these days. And you can almost always find a friend-with-benefits on any one of those instant dating apps. But a five year, genuine long term friendship (or relationship of any kind), isn’t so easy to come by. And what if it went all south after the initial sexual rendezvous? Are you willing to lose a friend over some sex? I would employ you to use your head up top, and not the one below your waist — when it comes to this situation. Gay dating is hard, but making gay friends can be even harder. I’d encourage you to suppress your sexual appetite for your friend, and indulge in the great laughs and love that you two share.
XOXO,
Agatha
