Article written by Maya Vukovska

As a female, biologically and mentally, I responsibly declare that yes, I do fake orgasm. My performance may not be as realistic as the one delivered by Meg Ryan in the famous diner scene in When Harry met Sally, but it works in most cases.  In my defence, though, I must say I do it only when it’s absolutely necessary, that is when the situation requires it. Alas, the situation requires it way more often that I’d like to, but that’s another story. Now, we are here to talk about biological males and their ability to fake orgasm when having an intercourse with another male. Is that even possible, some may ask. It is, in fact, and you’ll be surprised how often it happens. Recent research shows that about 1 in 4 guys have done it. Whether gay or straight, it’s pretty much irrelevant, really. And the reasons why men do it, again, have nothing to do with their sexual orientation. It’s usually because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings, or because they don’t enjoy the sex and want to be done with it ASAP. Or simply because they jerked off  earlier that day. But no matter what your personal reasons for being a cum faker are, here is how you do it.

A-a-a-and… action!

The simple truth is that orgasms are not hard to fake. Ejaculations are! But, of course, you know that from personal experience. It’s always a good idea to do some acting exercises beforehand, preferably in front of the mirror. If during the actual sexual intercourse your partner is facing you, he needs to see all your intense emotions written on your face. That’s the time to put your mirror routine into practice. Put your pleasure-stricken O-face on, close your eyes, and groan. Groan like a wild animal (bot not a wounded one!), be the Beast, and let your lover be the Beauty. A few twitchy shakes, as if you were bitten multiple times by blood-sucking insects, can greatly add to the theatrics. Your partner will be so impressed by this performance, that it’s very likely he fails to notice you hasn’t actually cum.

Let the condom be your false front

Doing it with a condom makes the faking easy-peasy. Without it, it’s much more complicated, for obvious reasons. But with a condom, it’s very easy to get rid of the evidence before Gill Grissom or Horatio Caine notices that no ejaculation has actually occurred. But even without a condom, there’s a small chance your partner doesn’t look for proof of jizz emission in or outside his body. However, you’d better play it safe, and use a rubber.

Bring him to orgasm first and synchronize

The simultaneous orgasm in penile-vaginal, vaginal-vaginal, and penile-penile sex is a despicable lie! A myth. It’s like a mermaid: everybody knows how a mermaid looks like and that her name is most probably Ariel, but nobody has ever seen one. The funny thing is that some people still believe in the existence of  mermaids. And of simultaneous orgasms, for that matter. But if someone is a simultaneous orgasm aficionado, that can be a great news for a cum faker. During sex, the second you realize it’s not gonna happen for you, try focus instead on bringing your partner to the verge of cumming. Then, try to synchronize your breathing with his, and remember to start repeating the good old mantra, “I’m cummin’, I’m cummin’” as soon as you sense he’s about to cum himself. He’ll be so concentrated on orgasming together with you that he won’t realize you’re bullshitting him with all that intense breathing and moaning.

Apply The (Almost) Hudini Effect

You can borrow this trick from the guys who do girls in the doggy style. While giving it to your partner from behind, spit on the arch oh his back (preferably, without the usual accompanying sound!) and moan as if you had completed your task. That’s only the first part of the infamous Hudini Effect. The entire thing involves blowing your load in his surprised face the second he turns to thank you. But since the load is absent in your case, that’s gonna be a topic of another show…

Jerking hips

The jerking hip movement is definitely not for beginners. It takes a lot of practice and being in a considerably good physical shape to achieve realness. You also need to use your PC muscle (that’s the muscle stretching from your pubic bone to the bottom of the spine) to make the dick “jump” when the right moment comes.

Don’t be ashamed to fake it

Only if you are confident in your lie, it will come out naturally. But if you have even the slightest remorse, you’ll get caught for sure. Just think about it: people fake emotions all the time. Your friends fake interest in your lame vacation photos and your sister’s new baby. The flight attendants fake polite smiles when they actually want to slap you in the face for being a capricious dick. That’s why it makes it totally fair if you too fake a little bit of something. An orgasm, for one thing! After all, who says men are obliged to cum at the drop of a hat!

Say the truth

If you are at his place, you just roll over, check your phone and say, “Sorry, I should be going. Gotta get the last train in 15 minutes.”