Article by Maya Vukovska
When I was re-reading Rob Halford’s autobiographic book Confess, I was stunned by one particular confession. Or better say, revelation. In his younger years, the now 71-year-old "Metal god" had many casual homosexual encounters, and also а few relationships with men, but often he was disappointed to find out that they cheated on him with women. Eventually, Halford came to the disturbing realisation that most of the men he was with were straight as a whistle, and they’d make an exception only for him. For a long time, he was beating his head against the wall, asking himself the question, “What’s wrong with me?”. He knew that if he kept falling for the same type, he’d never find true happiness. Fortunately for him, he did find true love in ex-Marine named Thomas Pence. The couple’s been married for 27 years now.
I bet he is not the only gay man on the face of Earth trying to figure out what makes them always fall for “wrong” men. There’s no definitive answer to the question. After all, it’s not Algebra101, and that’s not a math problem. There are, however, different psychological theories as to why you drool over straight dudes - you just pick the one that you think best applies to your “situation.”
Eroticizing straightness
According to PornHub’s statistics from 2018, the most searched-for and viewed category on its gay site was… can you guess? Exactly, “straight guys,” and more specifically, “straight guys masturbating.” This shows that gay men tend to be attracted to signs of masculinity, such as broad jawline, muscular body, acting tough, and as a whole everything that comes out of the stereotypical “Man Box”. It is no surprise that this preference is strongest among gays who identify themselves as masculine and that “Masc4Masc” is so popular on gay hookup apps.
But what exactly explains this attraction?
Psychologists say that one plausible reason is that many gay men grew up in an environment where masculinity was socially advantageous, effeminacy was devalued, and they instinctually dislike “unmanly” behaviors and looks. This also suggests that even if they’ve come out these guys aren’t completely comfortable with their own sexuality.
The forbidden fruit
Throughout human history, we have desired most things that we are told we can't have. But prohibition, no matter if it comes from the church, the state, or basic moral principles can never stop people from sinning or breaking the law. What makes taboos so attractive is that deep down, we hate rules, authority, and lack of control. Breaking taboos recharges all those basic human needs. Sexual taboos are the most popular themes in our fantasies. But it’s not only gay men who crave to taste “the forbidden fruit”. In a lot of porn videos, straight men are consciously cheating on their girlfriends and wives by recklessly pushing the boundaries of their sexuality. As I said, everybody craves what they can’t have.
Оverpowering the powerful
Justin J. Lehmiller, a social psychologist at The Kinsey Institute, surveyed more than 4,000 Americans asking them about their sexual fantasies for his book Tell Me What You Want (2018). What he discovered was that gay men fantasize more about BDSM than heterosexuals do. What’s especially intriguing about Lehmiller’s survey is that the gay participants showed the greatest interest in kinky porn videos featuring straight men taking on the submissive role, where sex was enforced on them when they were tied up and humiliated in the process. Seeing straight men being fucked helps some gay men overcome the feeling of being disempowered.
A cry for acceptance
According to the popular axiomatic rule, gay men are the girl’s best friend. I mean, besides diamonds. It doesn’t mean, though, that gay men are OK with the fact that, even today, they’ve been kept outside the straight guys’ ΑΤΩ or ΑΨΡ fraternity houses - figuratively speaking. According to Dr. Lehmiller, because many gay men have experienced rejection from straight men, in their sexual fantasies, the “oppressors” take on the submissive role in bed.
I am not a prominent expert in human sexuality myself, but I certainly see one particular problem with gay men having sex with straight dudes. In this kind of relationship, one can easily let things get out of hand. At some point, one may feel that they are not only interested in a couple of hours of “forbidden” fun. Catching feelings for a straight sex partner is a buzzkill. If you, just like our friend Rob Halford, have realized that because of your choices you will never have "the real thing", here's my advice. Face your demons, fully embrace your sexuality, and go find yourself a guy who’s not married, with children. And his name is not Al Bundy!
