6 Faux-Pas to Avoid When Breaking Up

Article written by Maya Vukovska

I don’t know why, but when I’m thinking about ending a relationship, the first thing that comes to me is the ugly breakup of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. There was a lot of bottles throwing, fuck-you saying, tears shedding, and insults exchanging before the two got out of each other’s lives for good. No breakup, however, has to be like this. When the sparkle is forever gone and heavy clouds are hanging over the relationship, people should be able to say farewell in a graceful and civilized manner. And preferably, not end up throwing cutlery at each other! In order not to get oneself in a Depp-Heard kind of situation, you should consider a couple of faux-pas to avoid when breaking up with your long-term partner. Here they are.

Ask many people for advice

That is actually the biggest faux-pas. Given that they are not directly involved, bystanders do have a better perspective on what’s going on in a struggling relationship. Yet, nobody can know for sure the true dynamic of this relationship. So, you must expect the advice you’ll get from your smartypants friends and family to be conflicting. Nothing’s wrong with asking advice from one or two confidants, but the only person you really need to closely listen to is yourself.

Break up with a text message

...or with a post-it on the fridge’s door, which is even meaner! Modern means of communication have made it easier for people to avoid awkwardness and responsibility when it comes to ending things with someone. It’s convenient to ignore the old-fashioned etiquette rules and get away with the whole break-up drama by simply ghosting the person they once used to be madly in love with. But you don't have to be a c*nt. If you’ve already decided to break it off, do it the right way, which is by having an honest face-to-face conversation with your boyfriend.

Bring your new beau too soon in the picture

The number one reason why couples call it quits is because someone's cheated. Of course, we have no control over the matters of the heart, and we can't choose whom to fall in love with. But it doesn’t mean that we have to walk around hurting other people’s feelings. Boasting about your new crush before the breakup has been finalized shows a lack of consideration and empathy. If your BF has hurt you in some way and you want to get back at him, there are other, more subtle, and gentlemen-like ways than shoving your new relationship in his face.

Talk bullshit as an excuse for the breakup

“Look, baby, you deserve better,” “We need to move on with our lives”, and especially “Let's try seeing other people” are the biggest and the most disturbing clichés that can come out of one’s mouth while looking for a legitimate, and less painful excuse to end a relationship. Saying something simple but honest like “I don’t love you anymore the way I used to” may upset your partner, but will at least give him clarity of mind and, what’s more important, closure.

Do all the talking

If you’re the one breaking it up, you’ll be, of course, the one leading the conversation. But turning it into a logorrhoea episode won’t help you have a clean breakup. You can’t know how he’ll respond to the breakup, but in any case scenario, you must show a willingness to listen to what he has to say. And be prepared to hear unflattering things about yourself!

Burn all bridges behind you

It’s OK to cut all contact for a couple of months after the breakup. Both of you will need technical time-out, as they say in volleyball, to heal and reflect on the recent events. Just do yourself a favor and don’t say “Never” when you’re breaking up with him. Time will pass, and one day you’ll find yourself in a nostalgic kind of mood. The only thing you’ll be craving then is to call him and hear that he’s doing fine. Unless it has been a really toxic affair, you shouldn’t apply the “no contact” rule to your future relations. Staying friends with your ex is absolutely doable, but it takes two to make it happen for real.

Not two breakups are alike, and there are no set rules on how to deal with them. And although it’s a confusing time for both parties, it’s important that you stay clear-headed and remember the things you shouldn’t do when breaking up with the person to whom you once gave your heart.