Ask Agatha: Can My Boyfriend and I Be Monogamous After Being Open for Years?

Article by Ben Haynes

Dear Agatha, After dating my boyfriend for five years, I think I’m ready to change things up in our relationship. We were exclusive during the first few months of our relationship, but that was during the honeymoon phase, where everything was all brand new. Once we got settled, we began an arrangement where we could hook up with other people, provided we were always open and honest about it. We also occasionally brought guys back to our bed to share, and we always were safe and had lots of fun. Times have changed us both a bit, and I’m now in a place where I’m ready to put certain life choices and behaviors behind me- one of them being the prospect of seeing other guys. This isn’t coming from a place of jealousy or anything; I no longer want to see other people. It may sound corny, but I don’t want to be with anyone else but my partner anymore. We’ve both moved on from our party nights and have “settled down” for the most part. How do I initiate this conversation in a way that openly conveys that this comes from nothing but a place of wanting to be with just him from now on rather than sending a weird message of bad feelings? Thanks for your help! Jeremy

Dear Jeremy, Your letter made me tear up with pride, and I don’t even know you! In your letter, I hear a person embracing the growth and progress they’ve made and recognizing that they need to continue to evolve over time. This is a level of personal understanding that’s difficult to achieve. Kudos to you! As far as the conversation with your boyfriend goes, that might take some time to evolve. If this is how you’re feeling, you definitely need to sit down with him and be completely open and honest about it. As long as you are completely transparent about your feelings, there should be no reason to worry about it coming off as jealousy. However, it would be best if you embraced the fact that he may not be in the same place emotionally as you are. If you hope for him to be open and understanding about your feelings, then you must be prepared to do the same for him. Any strong relationship relies on compromise; you may need to do that here, depending on how he feels. Just be open and honest, and hopefully, all will go well! Sending you lots of love! XOXO Agatha