Dear Agatha,
I've been single for about two years and have spent my time on several dating apps casually meeting with guys for coffee, dates, and a few hookups. Like many fellow gays, I experienced fun times with guys and have a few horror stories to share. However, this has taken a happy turn as of last month.
I found an incredibly handsome guy who shares many of the same interests as me, and we've spent nearly every free moment together for the past several weeks. The sex is fantastic; we're always laughing, our conversations are deep, and we really understand each other.
We both have admitted that we really like each other, and I'm ready for him to be my boyfriend. How do I initiate the conversation with him that I'm willing to delete all dating apps from my phone and, to go even further, can I ask him to do the same?
Thanks for any help!
Sincerely,
Derek
Dear Derek,
First off, I want to tell you how happy I am for you! It's hard to find someone that you feel that instant connection with. It's even harder to keep that connection longer than just a few dates. It sounds like you've really found a keeper here!
This type of situation is always challenging to navigate. The problem has so many layers, and what is best for you might differ from what's best for him. It's necessary to remember to weigh your needs and his before going into this conversation.
Here's how I'd do it: Before you even initiate this conversation with your man, be sure to really consider everything you're hoping to gain from it. Think about what you really want from him, and be sure to seek to understand what he might really want from you. Determine your boundaries and think about what you are willing to do and what you're unwilling to do. Again, find out these things about him, too!
Be honest with him about what you want and why it means so much. However, accepting that he may want different things than you would be best. Every relationship is different, but one thing that stays the same in all of them is communication and compromise. You'll never get everything you want, but if you communicate openly with him and listen attentively to his needs, you might find that you two can find the perfect agreement in the end.
We're rooting for you and your guy! Good luck!
XOXO,
Agatha
