Dear Agatha,
I think I’m finally ready to share with my family and friends that I am a sex worker. But I’m terrified to do so. For the longest time, I was comfortable doing sex work discreetly. I kept my sexuality a secret from my family and friends for so long (I’m now out to them), that having another big secret doesn’t feel too taboo. I’ve been seeing a guy, it’s still new but I am starting to like him. He asked me what I did for work on our first date, which I lied about. I told him I did retail sales, when the truth is I am an amateur adult content creator with a huge social media following. I have anonymous encounters both online and in person, with a mask covering my identity. I don’t feel a pressure to have to reveal my face in my content per se, but I would like to stop hiding this aspect of my life from my family and friends — and now this guy that I am dating. I make a very decent living doing sex work and I don’t see myself making a career change in the immediate future. The only thing that is holding me back is that I’m terrified about the judgment and shame that I may possibly encounter. Agatha, do you think it’s worth coming clean? And if so, how should I go about this?
Thanks,
Micais
Dear Micais,
First and foremost, you asked if “coming clean” is worth it. The answer will always be yes. Living in your truth will always be the most fulfilling way to navigate this thing we call life. Gay culture has always been riddled with adversity, so don’t put to much pressure on yourself. We’ve always had to “come out” to our loved ones and announce our sexuality to the world. And clearly that has set up (arguably) unhealthy ways for you. You said hiding secrets doesn’t feel taboo, but it’s obvious that these very same secrets are preventing you from being your authentic self. Are you really worried about the judgment and shame of others, or are you ashamed that you’re a sex worker? If the answer is no, then to hell with what anyone may think of you and how you choose to live your life. As for your family, I don’t think you need to go into full detail with them. We’re all adults, so you can just leave it at “adult industry” — any other details that they choose to explore from that point on, is on them! And if you’re starting to fall for this guy, I do think transparency is best. Tell him what you do for a living. His reaction will let you know if he’s right for you or not, but he has the right to choose if he wants to date someone that does adult work for a living. Some people are okay with it and others aren’t. You don’t have to tell someone on the first date that you sell sexual services, but if you think you want to further pursue a relationship with them — it’d be in both of your best interests if you came clean. The best way is to just have a honest conversation. There’s no beating around the bush on this one. But again, as long as your comfortable with what you’re doing — the opinions or acceptance of others doesn’t matter! Good luck.
XOXO,
Agatha
