Article Written by Eris Chase

Are you still on that shaky ground of not even knowing if your situationship calls for a gift this year? I mean, have you even uttered the word “boyfriend” yet?? Maybe you’ve only been together for a hot second, but have known each other a long while. Did you just become exclusive a few weeks ago? Well, that day of hearts, romance and being consumed by love doesn’t care. She’s ready to toss rose petals into the air and drive an arrow into your heart in just a few days. Don’t fret sweetness; we’ve got you. Here are our top 5 ways to share your “not quite love but more than like” feels.

They Can Buy Their Own Flowers

No question, flowers are the Power Top Daddy of Valentine gifts. Giant bouquets of mixed flowers, roses by the dozen, or the simplicity of a single stem, they are the all time V-Day winner. But, flowers may be a touch too serious for where you’re at. No one wants to show up at a front door, stunning arrangement in hand and get a very confused, “Oh. These are for me? Thanks, I guess.” Cringe. Why not try something a little more low stakes? A few tubes of body glitter? Strip down, get creative and paint it on each other and see where the day takes you.

Stroll Into the Sunset

The long weekend getaway out of town versus the ease of a long walk in a park. Imagine finally getting to that B&B after the long car ride, welcome drink in hand and realizing you are totally ill-suited as travel mates?? Who knew he was going to sing along to Broadway show tunes the whole drive and ask for a 5am wake-up to see the sunrise? All you needed was a car dance to some Kylie and to sleep till noon. You are in no way making it to Sunday breakfast in bed. Simplify while your relationship is sorting itself out, and head to their favorite local park. He likes puppies? The dog park. Can’t get enough art history? Sculpture park. Wants to see a peacock and a giraffe at the same time? Wild animal park. Easier and breezier.

Fill Them Up

Candle lit, romantic overload, eleven course decadent dinner for two? Maybe. However, we can taste the belly expanding cream based sauces from here. This could work, but, the length and excessive amounts of new foods could lead to a lot of awkward silences, searching for something to talk about and, some dreaded… umm… gastrointestinal distress. Nothing ends a night faster then trying to find door delivery of an industrial sized bottle of pepto at 10pm. Do your tummy and your wallet a solid and keep it to an evening of light desserts and drinks at your first date spot. Save the candlelight for the bedroom after!

Put A Ring On It

Expensive jewelry?? We will keep this one short and simple. That’s a very hard no. Way too soon for a promise ring. But, speaking of hard and ring, how about saying “I like you loads, baby.” with a nice new cock ring for your maybe forever sweetie?

Picture This

Finally, our number one…. We’ve all sen it, the extra gauzy filtered, beachside photoshoot in head-to-toe matching outfits. You and your hottie babe are not quite ready to take on the endearingly cute denim on denim on denim looks plunge yet, but who would say no to matching jock straps??? Shelve the professional shoot and turn it into a little handheld camera work at home and capture your far spicer sides. You both might like what you see on screen so much, you could realize that you are incredibly compatible. Maybe it is love after all? Or, maybe those shots are so extra, you start your own cam site together?? Whatever way it goes, in twinning jocks, we can almost guarantee you’ll end up head over heels into something lusty and fun.

While an uncertain relationship status may be a little daunting during Valentine’s Day while you try and sort a gift, remember it’s always the thought that counts. No need to go overboard; you aren’t there yet. You are blossoming. Take it easy, relax, and try our simpler versions of the traditional favorites. We hope they work for you. Who knows, next year, you may be a massive bouquet buying, week long holiday traveling, bacchanal level eating, ring shopping, cutest twinning couple to ever couple!


February 13, 2024 — Andrew Christian
Tags: Listicles