Dear Agatha, I am undoubtedly a top, and my boyfriend is most certainly a bottom. I suppose I am more dominant and masculine, and he's a bit more submissive and fem. You get it--we're a classic match. But recently I've been going through some stuff... and at the moment I am not feeling as "dominant" as I have in the past. Last night after we fucked, I felt the desire to cuddle on him and rest my head on his chest, and well--it didn't go well. He immediately seemed off-put by that and reminded me that HE was the submissive one, not I. It made him uncomfortable when I positioned myself in that role, like it was betraying the fundamental basis of our relationship. I haven't dated a ton of guys so I'm a bit unclear if this is standard protocol for tops. Must we be the strong protectors always, even when we want to be held by our bottoms? Sincerely, Nick
Dear Nick, The gay community places so much emphasis on whether you're a "top" or a "bottom", but it's important to remember that these terms really only apply during sex. Unless you're both world-class contortionists, it's a simple fact of reality that one cock must be going in one ass at a time, hence these descriptors. And sure, many of us do prefer to stick to one side of that dynamic. But after everyone's cum, it really is important to drop that pretense. Generally speaking, post-coital cuddling should not involve power dynamics like that, especially if you're in a long-term relationship. You're two humans, not "a top and a bottom." Sounds like he's taking these roles far too seriously for some shallow aesthetic reason. Let him know your feelings, and if he won't allow you to show any vulnerability and cannot offer support when you need it, dump his ass. XOXO, Agatha
May 18, 2022 — Andrew Christian
Tags: Ask Agatha