10 Sexual Fantasies That Actually Suck In Reality
Before we’re even close enough to having sex, we’re thinking about it - constantly. That is especially true for any and all kids who played the naughtiest version of MASH. You know, that childhood game where you pick people you want to marry, kinds of cars, how many kids, etc.? Some of you may’ve kept it G-rated but me and my friends were perverts. Perhaps you were just like us? We always had a section that showcased where we’d, umm, like to “do it.” You know, because at 12 you’re thinking about sex but you aren’t mature enough to say it. Anyways, we’d pick the most outlandish places that in hindsight were stupid. Now let’s take a walk down memory lane to see just how wild our prepubescent minds worked and how wrong they were when it came to sexual fantasies.
The Beach
Movies, why do you put it into our heads that the beach is ideal for sex? There’s even a drink named after the act. Thus making it even more seductive when in reality it’s nasty. Some people are down for it though and we don’t mean to knock their preference but most beaches are not the business. With the little sand crabs scattering about, seagulls potentially shitting on you mid-act, sand EVERYWHERE. It’s a hot mess.A Waterbed
What is it with our fascinations with waterbeds growing up? My babysitter and best friend in kindergarten had them and lemme tell you, just sitting on them sucks. You’re never not moving and once the sheet moves out from under you in the slightest way and your skin makes contact with that plastic lining, gross! How is one supposed to get it in good when they can’t steady themselves and are sticking to a plastic bed? Yeah, that’s a no. Also, when was the last time you actually saw a waterbed? Did those die in the ‘90s alongside landlines?The Shower
We’ve all watched a porn or three that features a scene in the shower and it looks immaculate. So much so that we fantasize about the day we’ll reach ecstasy on our own. The reality with that is that most porn showers are these lavish ones where water is streaming from every angle. Most of our showers? They’re in one-bedroom apartments and the water pressure is so bad it takes 30 minutes to get the conditioner out of your hair. If you are a baller and have a bomb ass shower than this one is probably still a hot fuck, but if you’re a regular person - skip the shower sex. Someone is always away from the water and shivering because they’re cold. Trust. Me.
