6 Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories About Queer People

Article written by Maya Vukovska

Have you not heard? Elvis and John F. Kennedy are not dead, just cryogenically frozen.
The Мoon landing never happened. Queen Elizabeth is an extraterrestrial reptile. And there’s an active volcano under Yellowstone and if it erupts, it would wipe out the entire US!

For decades, people around the world have believed that governments, large secret organizations and companies are hiding the truth from the public. And now, with the COVID pandemic, conspiracy theories and believers have significantly grown in number.

There’s a particular category that covers the craziest mainstream beliefs about queer people. Here are some of the most disturbing and ridiculous LGBTQ-related conspiracies. Needless to say, all of these are 1000% BS!

The theory that gay men can be "converted" to being straight with conversion theory

While the pseudoscientific practice of changing homosexuals to heterosexuals is a sad fact, the widespread theory that gay people’s ultimate goal is to sexually convert all straight men is completely ungrounded. Yet, it exists and is very persistent. Maybe wondering how gay men will carry out their evil plan? The first step is to make you gay-friendly. If you resist, they’ll show you their teeth. Once the first step is completed, they’ll start executing the rest of the plan which involves different elaborate strategies, like mind control through teaching gay concepts at schools (because it is essential to get the innocent kids on their side!), and aggressive TV propaganda.

So, hold on to your heterosexual burgers, guys, until you can, because the final step will probably be to turn all cows gay too!

Non-hetero marriages spell doom on humankind

David Usher, the mastermind behind the conspiracy theory revealing the true bitchy nature of women, thinks that same-sex marriages are evil because they will put end to the male hegemony. The guy believes that in the near future, it will become a mainstream trend among women to marry each other. They'll do it for the sole purpose to push men, i.e. the semen donors, into paying child support through reproductive entrapment. It won’t be necessary to be lesbian to be squeezing money out of the social system. Because all the cool ladies, Usher says, will be doing it.

Gays in the military are making the nation vulnerable to terrorism

But guess how! By giving and getting massages! The person behind this batshit theory is Texas congressman Louie Gohmert. What’s more, the former 68-year-old jurist believes that it’s his patriotic duty to spread the word about prominent LGBTQ activists being Nazis and gay Boy Scouts - pedophiles.

“Obama Turned My Frog Gay With Chemicals”

A couple of years ago, I saw a lady at the Zürich airport wearing a T-shirt with that print. And I thought, OK, Jesus may walk on water, and that’s a miracle. Pesticides in water that can invert the sexuality of amphibians are definitely an upgraded type of magic.

The obvious absurdity of this 2010 conspiracy theory makes it one of the most widely ridiculed and memed. Joking aside, anti-globalists and conservative republicans are dead serious about letting no one turn their frogs gay!

Transgender people are sexual predators lurking in the restrooms

Eight years ago, a group of ministers from Houston called for the removal of the restroom access provision from the city’s nondiscrimination regulation. What these godly men feared was that by being granted access to public toilets and locker rooms trans people will start praying on children and heterosexual men and women in order to fulfill their kinky sexual cravings. Of course in reality, this literally never happens. Trans women, like all women, go into public bathrooms for one reason only: to gossip with friends and powder their nose.

I left my favorite conspiracy theory for last.

Ellen DeGeneres is running the US Government

According to the supporters of this conspiracy theory, the popular comedian, together with Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, and some other top-level finance and industry leaders, form a “deep state” association through which they are pulling the strings of the legitimate government.

I want to end this blog post by siting the American political satirist and journalist P.J. O’Rourke, who said, “If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity and ignorance.”