Tired of Kink? Nothing Wrong With Being 100% Vanilla!

Article written by Maya Vukovska

We live in times when it’s not cool anymore to have just a cup of black coffee or homemade mac-and-cheese. Instead, we drink triple-venti-soy-no-foam lattes and indulge in elaborate dishes, containing words like “shrimp scampi,” “daikon,” and “pappardelle”. The fear that one may appear boring and unadventurous if they prefer simpler things has invaded also the intimate sphere of life, and as a result, people are now experimenting with sex more than ever. Kinks in the bedroom have become the new normal. But what if you’re tired of boyfriends rattling handcuffs and clamping your nipples, while you just want to have plain, homosexual, no-kinks-involved vanilla sex?

What’s vanilla sex and who coined the term?

We can’t say for sure who named conventional sex after the most basic flavoring for ice cream . What we know, though, is that it was the queer people who started using the term in the early 1970s as a reaction to the general public’s opinion that gay sex is deviant. And not to mention that at that time homosexuality was considered a mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association! The queers intended to alter that thinking by labeling the straight, non-kinky sex as “vanilla", i.e. "boring”.

Why did vanilla sex become so unpopular?

Among heterosexuals, vanilla sex refers to having sex in a missionary position. For homosexuals, conventional sex means intercrural (non-penetrative) sex, OR penetrative sex without elements of BDMS, kink, or fetish activities.

With the commercialization of the Kama Sutra featuring 245 sex positions, and the growing number of articles about unconventional sexual practices, plain vanilla became a real thing. It’s seen as an established phenomenon that’s been around for too long, but the time has come to lock the “relic” in the attic. As a result, people started experimenting more with BDMS and alike and spreading the world of their unorthodox sexual experiences. Suddenly, vanilla sex has become something to feel awkward about, because everyone else seems to be having more fun than you!

Kink is a spectrum

Nowadays, what is vanilla depends very much on the dynamics in the relationship. For many cis straight couples, anal and even oral still fall into the kinky category. For those who are not cis or are gay, however, giving head or assfucking is as normal as blueberry pie! Some people take on kink as an identity, and to them, practices like chocking, scatting and being rough are a given. Whether your turn-on is the simplest vanilla or being peed on there is nothing to feel embarrassed about.

Vanilla sex is the new kink

You can blame Madonna for bringing BDMS vogue into mainstream as much as you want, but it won’t change the fact that kinky sex is now sold as hotcakes. But as any other trend, with time, this too has become just another Walmart commodity. Now, you can hardly impress anyone by announcing that last night a stranger on Craigslist tied you up to the bed and had sex with you. Now with that kinks being the mainstream, it’s the vanilla that is considered an eccentric choice for having sex.

Vanilla doesn’t mean mediocre

It’s OK that we give names to all sexual activities because it means that we recognize them as relevant. What’s not OK is that we keep using them as discrediting labels. We shouldn’t be talking whether the sex last night was this and that, but whether it was good or not. No study whatsoever has said anything about what type of sex works best. The fact that one is into vanilla doesn’t mean their performance in bed is mediocre and dull. Vanilla, too, can be breathtaking and artful, especially if it’s intimate and emotional.

Overall, there’s nothing wrong and shameful with vanilla sex. There’s something wrong with doing things one doesn’t feel comfortable about. So, next time when your lover suggests rope, handcuffs, scarves and zip ties, be a proud vanilla aficionado and say no.